How about "No"?

Last night was a minor epiphany of sorts. It certainly didn't start out that way, but I learned some valuable things about myself and the severe lack of boundaries I have had with friends in the past and still currently struggle with.

After leaving work, I decided to head by 54th Street and grab some food and talk to some friends who work there. I read the paper and just kind of enjoyed having some space to myself without all the constant work of being social. I finished up and took a drive around the lake and went home.

Briefly considered a nap, but didn't want to jack up the sleep schedule I am on, so got cleaned and polished up and decided to head into the city for just a "me" night. Nothing big planned, maybe some shopping, dinner and karaoke at Michael's place.

*Bling!*  There went my phone...and suddenly plans are changing. Not only was it Stephen's birthday, but also a lot of my buddies were getting together to play sand volleyball, catch some sun and pretty much hang out by the pool. Sounded kind of nice, but was not my original plan. I started getting all the messages asking me where I was and when I would be there.

So...being a dumbass, I changed course and headed out to join them.

And hated every minute of it.

We never got around to playing volleyball or swimming but ended up at an Irish Pub sitting around a table talking. They kept ordering me beers that I didn't want to drink, and after the first one, I just let them sit there. I tried to listen to all the chatter and catch up to their speed, but while sitting there I realized. I don't want to hear this. Not any of it. My presence was not needed. I was not enjoying myself. I was wishing I had stuck with my own plans and not got pulled into another "guys night out".

So I left. I stood up, said I had to leave, took the hugs and punches and bailed.

It felt good!

I came home, spent some intensive time preparing and cooking the most intricate and expensive macaroni and cheese I have ever made, ate a bit and went to bed.

This was the right choice. I need to start doing what I want instead of being pulled into all kinds of hair brained schemes and plans by others who seem to need my presence and approval for everything they do. Sometimes I think I am just being used as some kind of ATM/Therapist by people I considered to be my friends and I spend way too much time doing what others want instead of learning to say, "No".


Last night I learned to say, "No".

We will see how long it lasts.