Just when I thought I had it figured out...

So life, as I know it, is rather odd at the moment. I realize I have not posted much lately but my head has been elsewhere. I woke up early today and find myself writing here in some attempt to get my thoughts down where I can see them. My mind is such a fickle thing. One moment I am sure of who I am and how I feel and five minutes later I find myself doing things that directly contradict the certainty that I felt previously. I guess that is the human experience, but it sure confuses me. If I find myself baffling then I am sure that others around me have no idea what is going on inside my brain.

Weekend Review: I worked on Friday and after a long day went out and spent some time shooting pool with my buddies and generally relaxing. Got home early and crashed to be well rested for Saturday. Worked the following morning and then headed over to Michael's to help him with his landscaping project. We moved about 3,000 pounds of topsoil into the raised planting bed we built at the front of his house, worked compost into the soil and leveled the entire retaining wall. I was so glad to get that project done! After we cleaned up and relaxed for a bit we went out to dinner on the Plaza and attended the WaterFire event. It was truly breathtaking! We ran into a ton of my church friends so he finally got to put some faces with names. It was so nice to walk hand in hand around the city we live in and not have to worry of be concerned about small minded people giving us crap. :) We got back to his place at about midnight or so and went to bed. We woke up Sunday morning when the dogs came in and would not stop jumping on us. The little scamps! I got showered and dressed thenI headed out to the coffee shop and to church. Hung out in the afternoon watching the game with my friends while he lounged the day away. Came home, slept and now am up enjoying a nice day off.

Okay now that is done, where was I? Oh yeah, thoughts into words. I'll just cut right to the chase. In a simple moment at dinner the other night I heard Michael say something. It was unscripted, unplanned and I think it surprised even him, to be honest. He looked up at me, paused and said simply, "Will you be my husband?"

At first I thought he was joking around, like the other night when we were on the couch watching a movie, I made some comment about his husband coming home and catching us like this. He just looked back at me and said, "Silly...you are my husband."

I have no idea how I feel right now. This was the one thing I have wanted to hear from this man for 3 years now. I have always been an initiator and aggressor in relationships and life, but I would and could not propose to him, as I know intimately how hurt and broken he has been after the end of his last relationship. I guess he has healed and is open to the idea of spending the rest of his life with a person. That person happens to be me. Now that the moment is actually here, I am at a loss.

Excited, happy, ecstatic, elated, surprised? Oh, hell, yeah! But, man, this is the real deal. I can't even write about it now. I will come back later.

daemon