but I know we've gone too far and
I hope it isn't showing
but I think I love you and
I can't believe you're leaving
just when I let you in and
when you had me believing
I could feel again
I could give a million reasons
why we should not be friends
our moods change like the seasons
when my mood ends your mood begins and
you're a tease, you're a cockblocker,
you're a loudmouth bitch, and a big talker,
but that's okay
you'll grow up someday
chorus:
you're the pill I never wanted to take—
an anti-misanthrope
mine was the heart I never thought you would break
my one hope was that I'd survive you
I've shown up for you
in ways that boy never would
but I know you'll go back to him and
maybe you should, but
I hope you don't go backwards
cuz I'm going on ahead and
one day you'll wish that you had
stuck with me instead
as I wander through union square
I remember when you followed me there
you were the stalker I kinda wanted to have
being your half-boyfriend was only half bad
you're the pill I never wanted to take—
an anti-misanthrope
mine was the heart I never thought you would break
my one hope was that I'd survive you
daemon
PS: Still miss you, Brian.
Does he read here? If not, tell him.
ReplyDeleteI've thought about what I had to say when I read the title and the song more than once. Not wanting to seem fatuous or having any desire to be anyone's instructor...still I can't shake these ideas when I read your post. 1. It's almost as if you're reaching towards the audience to try to explain your position. You don't have to do that. It's ok not to be ok. It's ok to be so hurt you can't see which way is up. We feel you. I think those of us feelers that read you understand your pain having been there at least once. But that leads to my second point. 2. The man that has left you left you because he doesn't want to be with you for some reason. There's something wrong with him, not with you. We all have a plethora of insecurities and issues. You have your problems and this man Brian has his and he decided to leave you. By reaching out to him you're not respecting his wishes and that's an affront to the person leaving. Continuing to reach out to someone who has already said good-bye does nothing positive toward resurrecting a relationship. All it does is reinforce the person who has left's belief about you. And the result is that you continually wreck your own emotions..reaching out towards what we know, in reality, to be a lost cause only accentuates our loss. We focus and focus on our loss and can't see what's available to us now. And the cycle of emotions is unbearable sometimes as a result. Be careful whose advice you give much consideration to because well-meaning people who are not paying attention can get us into serious trouble sometimes and prolong our pain. Eat well and 'fast' thinking thoughts about this man or what your life would have been with him. Do this for a minimum of 3 weeks and you will experience a much better life.
ReplyDeleteInsightful and thought provoking, Manny. Now I have even more to think about, or not think about. :)
ReplyDeletedaemon