Let's see. It was a busy week, so was a bit remiss on writing here, but finally managed to get over whatever virus had been attacking me. It was no match for hard work and lots of rest. Glad to be feeling better for this warm weekend. After the weather broke this week, I was able to get my car washed and waxed and it was a relief to get all the grime and salt off it it after so many days of driving a dirty car! That irritation is right up there with leaving the house without a shave, or starting my day without making my bed. Some habits from the Navy die hard.
I feel pretty good this morning. Have a couple things on my list that I want to accomplish with the warmer weather, instead of just spending all my time on entertainment and hanging out with friends. Sometimes you just need to get stuff done. Finally got the house undecorated from Christmas with the help of my little sister. I need to get all the boxes back in storage and out of one of the spare bedrooms. I can't stand seeing clutter and like things back in their right and respective places. Cooked
Supposed to rain tomorrow and if it does so, that will be my play day. Maybe catch a movie by myself, hit up the coffee shop and do some shopping for myself, some small thing unknown as of yet. It has been quite a while since I bought myself something unnecessary and unneeded, just because. Who knows? I am sure something will catch my eye, as long as I can get myself to actually buy it.
Cooked a great meal for my parents last night. Roast beef, baby new potatoes, carrots and root vegetables and a big pan of Kansas City Cornbread. For those of you not in the know, its half cornbread, half yellow cake and served warm with some butter and fresh honey is magnificent. It took several hours on my Friday night after a long day, but the effort and time was well worth it. Moms need a break sometimes and it was good to spend time with them cooking, eating and catching up on whats been going on in their lives.
Oh! I saw and got to talk to my work crush on Friday. Probably haven't mentioned him here, but
I like exactly what we don't have. He is so incredibly attractive to me. The way that he moves and expresses himself. His fantastic taste in shoes and boots, the way he smiles when sitting in the sun at breakfast, working away gleaning some warmth and starting his day. His interactions with others, that warm, huge and engaging smile and how he genuinely is present with all that talk to him. People love him and seek to be around him. He doesn't know me and I don't know him and I am okay with that. I am happy just to see him and enjoy the attraction that I am sure he doesn't even know exists. That tension and pull towards his Universe that exists in me is a emotion and feeling that I enjoy and really don't want to change or mess with. To tamper with it would alter it, so I will just leave things as they are. God! I have it bad.
Yeah, he has my attention and has been orbiting my thoughts at times this past year. His name is Nicolas and he is quite unlike anyone that has caught my eye in the past. For one, he is tall, and I tend to like and notice shorter guys first. Totally bald, but it appears that he either shaves his head, or it may be a result of some medical treatments, due to the different bruises that show on his head at times. Wide set eyes that take the whole world in. Amazing and beautiful smile that brightens up my whole day. He is slim and lithe and moves with such grace. Fantastically expressive hands. He is singularly one of the most captivating humans I have met in a long while. While I do talk to him when cooking for him, I haven't pursued anything else and probably never will. For the longest while, I wouldn't even talk to him, his presence had such a profound and unsettling effect on me. Now we have an easy banter and conversations, though on some days, I still studiously avoid him and any eye contact, just for my own sanity. Friends who know of this crush have asked me why I don't talk to him more, or at least inquire about his status and they don't understand my answer or reasoning for not doing so. Just leave it alone and let it be. One can enjoy the forest and nature without having to try to acquire it. Right?Okay, enough of that rambling. I sound like some love struck school boy, but we have all been there at times? Speaking of which, I have been single for the last three years. I will eventually get into how my relationship with Michael ended but this isn't the morning for that. We actually took a break from each other's presence for three years, but made contact recently. He actually found me in Instagram and we started just looking at each other's lives and how much had changed over the years. He is healthy, happy and doing well. Met for coffee, went to a car show (he recently sold his Mercedes and came back to the roadster scene) and even hung out at his house one evening for several hours. I just stopped by and wanted to talk life and was pleased to know I still had a dear friend, listening ear and space in his life. The break was good, but we are both content and happy apart from each other. I will never regret the time and life spent with him. I will always love him, as I have so many before him. That time in my life makes me smile.
So many words this morning. I feel like I am all over the place, but that is okay. I think I will stop for now. Probably write some more today, in between tasks. Seems like I have a lot in my head that hasn't been coming out of my mouth. More on that later. Don't mock me for my crush. :)
daemon
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