Tonight I listened as 11 other people shared their life stories, their problems and how they felt about them. We were all gathered to find some answers, but I felt that I left with more questions than I arrived with. I won't try to guess what it is all about, but I am OK with not having all the answers right now and not understanding myself. I will just operate now with the truth that I do have.
Tomorrow I will be here early, and instead of joining friends to work and share time with, I will once again be with 11 strangers, listening and looking for answers. I am there for a reason, part for me, and part for them. Honesty and openness comes with a price, but if that is the fare to seeing some peace, then so be it.
How to deal with the attractions? With that longing and angst that seems to spread from nowhere and finds me everywhere. I can't escape myself and refuse to believe that something is irrevocably wrong with me. How with so many, can I feel so alone? I do not chose despair and sadness, as those are emotions I have very little experience with. It is not that they have not presented themselves to me at times in life, but I have merely stepped around them and kept walking. Such is the case with a Capricorn, always climbing, nothing interfering with the plan.
Not even myself.
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