It is odd how some mind pictures and things fade with time, while other memories and emotional markers remain with us? The things and past dreams we hold on to are sometimes still holding on to me. Gone relationships, like once worn familiar sweaters seem to stack gently in the chest of cedar times.
Last evening found me living space and time with someone I once cared for deeply in my past. Life shared was time traveled. We are not the same carefree, toothsome boys that once bounced through days together, but more sober, graceful men who have felt life catch us in its strong embrace.
Lessons have been learned and yet still the pull and longing for what once was? Is it possible to still love and yet leave? What we had is not now. I cannot rebuild what another One has torn down, though I still long to try?
Knowing that the trying of my faith worketh patience is one thing to consider, but altogether another reality to live out. I now am, what I have become, but something inside of me yearns for days past and shared warmth. It is this struggle, this very fight inside of me that keeps me going. I will not walk the old ways. I cannot re-capture what once was. I can't take fire inside of my flannel shirt and not get burned.
But yet, I still miss him. I miss our us. Will this singularity always be?
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