I stopped.

I just woke up and it is 8 o'clock in the morning. This is the longest I have slept in since this past June. Each morning, whether I am working or not, my internal clock has woke me up at 3:30 am and I have started each day early and ended each one the same. I realized this last Friday that I have not enjoyed this schedule and am not progressing in my job as I wish, not living the life that I want and generally stagnating as a person...so I made a change.

I quit my job and enrolled in college for this coming fall semester to study Culinary, as I have been promising myself for the last two years. It is time to stop playing the role of a Chef without the education, learning experiences and challenges and actually go to work somewhere where they actually keep their promises and teach me. I had been pushed into a position that was unwanted by others and used to fulfill a role which offered me little in return for my investment of time and commitment. So I stopped.

Today is my Mom and Michael's birthday and I actually have the day to spend time with them and celebrate two of the people that make my life all the richer and for that I am incredibly grateful. In two days time, it will be my birthday and what better way to start my new year than with a re-invention of myself that actually moves me closer to my end goals and dreams?

I tend to make huge decisions instantly and have never been one to ponder endlessly the pros and cons of each possibility. It is more of a gradual shift in my mind over time that eventually culminates in something that looks spontaneous and rash but is actually a series of small choices made that others cannot see. Life is too short to continue doing things that do not bring me happiness and contentment and self delusion, as attractive and comfortable that it may be, will get me nowhere.

I am rather excited and pleased to find out that the person I have always been is still alive and well and capable of shaking things up and heading out into parts unknown. It is high time I had another adventure and settling for second best has made me a rather pale imitation of myself. As they say in the Flying Circus..."And now for something completely different!"

Well, not all that different. I am going to take some time off for myself, friends and family and start laying the groundwork for a new position here in Kansas City that will actually augment my continued education and help me realize my goals and dreams. I have two places to check out this week, spend time with the Executive Chef's and hopefully find placement under their training with in the month. In the mean time, I am going to do what I do best...start living again.

daemon