Ramble

Eh...so I didn't get back here and bare some of my soul yesterday. Instead I weenied out and posted a phenomenal poem I read in a book I'm desperately trying to finish but won't seem to let go of me. Today at the coffee shop as I devoured a few more chapters in between slugs of my three iced coffees, a story a Bushman related to Connor made me weep in public as I caught a glimpse of myself in this old African tale. I won't even bother trying to relate the moral of the story or what I walked away from it with, it was too complex of a moment to capture but suffice it to say, it made a grown man cry.

So tonight I am keeping a promise to a friend to take him to dinner in repayment for his kindness and compassion shown when I was certainly in a pitiable state of mind and body. This is my buddy that babysat me on my birthday and made sure my physical plant was returned to my home alive and in one piece. Not sure where he wants to go, but I am thinking either Governor Stumpies or Grinders, if he asks me. It is always good to get to know someone better, considering the last deep conversation that we had was him communicating directly with my subconscious mind. A subconscious mind that eventually shut the hell up and went to sleep at some point in the wee hours of the morning and then woke up refreshed and cognizant not in its own bed and certainly not alone. But that is a story for another time.

So yeah, dinner tonight and then hanging out with some other friends who basically are my safety net to escape from doing something else as equally as foolish. It is not as if I have no self control in my life, but at times I am prone to making rash decisions and never considering how the outcome will effect myself, those I love and people around me. So this friendship is going to need some boundaries, or at least more than have been expressed so far. I accept responsibility for my actions and will not cop out to some lame 'I was drunk' excuse. I am an adult and should start acting as one, even if I do have permission to be foolish at times.

Since I am on the topic of my birthday, there was this dinner planned by Michael and our friends for that evening. Needless to say, I did not make an appearance. In short, since I had started partying earlier in the day, I was in no shape to be in the company of reasonable and intelligent people. I communicated that I was not feeling well to him and crashed at my friends. This left me in somewhat of a hard spot socially and with Michael, but I think everything is going to be okay. We have communicated this week as I have tried to get over some kind of flu bug and I hope we get to hang out this weekend. We cannot afford to take chances with his health but I am feeling much better.

Cliffs: Didn't get stuff wrote. Reading a good book. Partied too early on my birthday. Missed the dinner party. Have been under the weather. I miss Michael. Taking my friend to dinner. That about sums it up.

daemon