Woke up this morning feeling pretty happy with the fact that I was released from jury duty! Went for a run and just enjoyed the weather. The trees are budding and all the little plants are saying hello to this world today. The neighborhood was quiet but also alive with new life. The wind seemed to be singing to me and all the little animals were making their way through the morning, just like me. Birds singing and chirping, the squirrels scampering around and chasing each others tails and everywhere Spring seems to be saying hello to me!
So yeah, I am in a pretty good mood. Nothing much on the agenda today but some phone calls and a visit to the Sprint store again to get my Blackberry replaced. Yesterday was spent taking it easy and setting up the network here at home. I now have wifi in the house and all the computers are networked and linked to the printers and other devices. Will be good to transition seamlessly with music, art and pictures without having to mess with a lot of different cords and locations. Glad to get that project done, fer sure!
There are things on my mind at the moment that have been slowly coming to the front of my brain the last few weeks and I do not have a real coherent way of grouping them at the moment, so I am prolly just going to ramble a bit and call it good.
Going back to school for culinary arts. I have always told myself that when I have the time, space and money I would pursue this passion. That have finally all come together and now I am hesitating on pulling the trigger. It is almost like being worried that this idea I have for another career may disappoint me somehow if I act on it. That I might just love the IDEA of cooking and creating for a living and not actually ENJOY the whole process. I guess I will just have to jump and see where I end up. Kind of hoping it is as intriguing and interesting as I imagine it will be and not just some random quirk I have been entertaining for years.
Relationship with Michael is going well and we are spending more time together simply living life. We have finally reached a good communication level and enjoy each o
thers company for exactly what it is. Living in the moment with an eye on the future. Slowly meeting each others friends and becoming more comfortable with the security of sharing ones life with another. I still don't have a label as of yet for what this is, but I know I have a good friend in him. We have respected each others boundaries, barring a few choices made along the way, and seem to have reached a happy medium of balance and respect. I know that doesn't sound really romantic, but it is. Like I told him the first morning after we met, "You make me smile." He does make my days brighter and my life more meaningful, no matter what we are doing. It is nice to care and be cared for again. Simple is good. No mess, no drama. Never having to say you're sorry is quite nice. Always authentic. So nice...Been having many thoughts on my spiritual life right now, as it seems to be a bit quiet. I am still seeking for some answers to questions I have about orientation, sexuality, expression and how to forge these somewhat conflicting life stories into a cohesive picture of myself. I know who I am. I know what I believe. How to live this out in a way that reflects the relationship that I have with God. He has been pretty quiet lately, but it almost seems like a peace, not an absence? Friends from church are becoming closer and life is good there. I am looking forward to the Men's Retreat at Tall Oaks and am still deciding if I want to camp or rent a cabin. Two different venues for sure. One is more adventure, the other more amenities. I think if I camp I will have more opportunity to share life and learn from this awesome group of guys in my life. I enjoy both ideas alot, just need to pick one. Would hate to be caught in some spring rainstorm for sure, but looking back at some of the silly things I have done in life, it would be the least of my stories...lol
I remember a camping trip with buddies from the Marine Corp and Navy. I was reading "Into the Wild" at the time and somehow decided on the last night to burn everything I had with me. EVERYTHING! Clothes, bag, cell phone, jewelry, all of it. I spent the night running naked through the woods collecting logs to burn on my massive fire and living like a creature. Got my legs pretty scraped and had an interesting night sleeping naked on the ground, kind of curled up in a nest of evergreen, but it is one of the moments in life where I felt 100% alive and human, There was something primal about it all. It was mammilian to say the least.
Needless to say, when the guys woke up in the morning, they were a bit surprised, but didn't say much besides "morning. " Got to respect a naked man on the ground with a hatchet and a book totally starkers and the coals of a enormous fire still smoldering. When we camp, morning times are for quiet and coming awake. It is that mutual respect in the company of men that recognize boundaries and the sanctity of one another thoughts. They knew me well enough to realize that I had some kind of "moment". Adam was like, "Have a good night?" I told him "yes" and we simply packed up and started our quiet hike back to civilization. Caleb loaned me a pair or shorts and sneaks to put on, We dug the silver out of the fire from my rings and cuff and when we got back to his house, Micah melted it down into an ingot which we stamped with all of our initials. It think it sits on his desk still as a paperweight. Man, I miss those guys!
Wow, random I know...lol
Well I think I am going to go wash the car now. I will be back late to add some thoughts I am sure. Life is going well and I am looking forward to this new season of life. It will bring me good things! Peace.
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