It's now 6 pm and I am home eating dinner and posting some thoughts as they come. Staying on the topic of girls, as I am really exploring this in my head and heart. Looking candidly at the past and trying to figure out where all these feelings come from. Just saying to myself and others that, "I have always been this way" is not going to cut it. I need to figure out why I am a card carrying member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club.
So today, woke up, we slept in after staying up late last night watching the Blind Side. Great movie and we have decided we love Sandra Bullock. (A girl I know, but amazing none-the less. :D Women on the screen are kind of hypothetical and don't bother me as much?) Got a late start and headed into the city, grabbed my coffee and picked up my work schedule for this next week on the Plaza. Stopped by and hung out with Jeff for a bit, watched the game and then came home. Michael wasn't budging from the couch today, and with the weather...I don't blame him!
Got a new phone, been playing with that. Blackberry Curve II, kind of fun, but still weird for a guy who refused to carry cell phones his whole life. Basically my family handed the first one to me last fall and told me I would carry it under pain of death. Guess this new gizmo is the "upgrade"? They rock and it is pretty cool, all kinds of stuff that I never needed. Guess I am one of those idiots now walking and sitting around looking at some stupid box in their hands, being there but not really present. I prefer talking to people with eyes and skin...not some plastic widget...but that's me.
Oh, so back to girls. I was thinking about my whole pattern today, and I only talked to one girl the entire day. In fact I gave her my phone number! :P
But it is not what you think. Long story short, a guy rear ended her car at a stoplight and then tried to get away. I pulled over and confronted him and "convinced" him to stay till the police arrived. She asked for my number for the police report and insurance paperwork, so I said sure. I still not real sure why I got involved in all that drama, but I knew someone was getting taken advantage of, and I was NOT going to let that fucker get away with it. I would have gladly put him in the hospital, but I kept my temper. Piece of low-life scum...
But enough of that, the fact remains that this girl needed some help and without thinking I jumped in to render assistance and aid. She became real to me, not something I hated or scorned. She was a person. Was she rendered this way because of the need, or were my eyes opened simply because I engaged and interacted with her. I do not know.
My family teases me about my first "girl friend" Celina, but I really don't remember her at all. Not quite sure what was about really. Kind of a vague face and time. Hmm... I also vaguely remember playing with dolls or something with one my my sitters daughters, Beth, as a child. What I do remember about all that, is that I stole her Ken doll, brought him home, threw all his clothes away and then kept him naked in a wooden box in my closet. Also do not know what that was about.
Then I remember a girl in fifth grade. I think I might have liked her. I liked another guy at the time, but remember feeling something towards her. I got her a valentine and wrote her a note, but she laughed at me and never responded. I think I was hurt and upset, but I don't really remember. I do remember deciding to spend all my time with my guy friends, cause they loved me and we did a lot of cool stuff at recess and in the woods. I knew this same group of guys, now men, from the time we were about 2 years old, till high school graduation. They are my band of brothers.
I guess I remember girls in school (private religious school) but never really cared about them. So many rules and stuff. They were so worried about boys and girls together, but never seemed to care what the guys were up to with each other. That never made sense to me, but at the same time, I liked it and took full advantage of that blind eye.
I have never had a physical or sexual experience with a girl, though I do remember kissing one on the cheek who really, really liked me, but I would hang out with her. I was with Chris and was so in love. She just didn't get it. She finally started dating my friend Eric, who bears a striking resemblance to me...lol
That's all about that is in my head right now. I am going to explore this more later and really want to figure it out. Don't get me wrong, I know a few girls, sort of, but I never have any real conversations or life experiences with them. They just always confuse me and want to be my friend.
What is wrong with me? Is there something messed up with me? What am I missing here? Did something happen to me?
I dunno yet...
PS: and no, this isn't the first topic that I mentioned earlier, this is just more ramblings. More later on why women suck and how they take and steal from men. (just kidding...but not really)
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