Opportunity and Life!

The windows and doors are open, sunshine and fresh air blowing through the entire house, the smell of Spring and life is in the air and all my spaces are clean and ready for an awesome, kick ass day! Ran this morning and just took it all in for the few miles that my body moved. Light streaming into my eyes, air chuffing hard and the rhythm and pace of moving past it all cleared my head in a way that is only possible by working the body hard.

Home again smelling of man, sweat and life, soon to be washed clean in the shower. I am due for a good scrub down after a night of hard sleep and this mornings exercise. Kind of brings to mind all those morning PT sessions in the Navy. I think that entire base in Groton, CT was made of hills! Up and down, through the woods, past the harbor, moving in step and pace with my band of brothers, each one working it out in our heads, hearts and bodies. There was such a simple peace in finding ourselves, amongst ourselves. Sometimes we called cadence, when joy or exhaustion was metering us. That communication that went unsaid, when one of us was hurting, either emotionally or physically. The changing of speeds and steps to ensure that no one was left behind. No one should be left out. We start together...we end together. Memories lane is somewhat golden at times...cause truth is...I hated running. But I loved being a part of something more than myself. All souls, united for purpose. So we ran...

After working through my "weekend" I find myself with a day off! So much to do, to see, to be! Tonight brings promise of time spent with Michael. I have missed him so in our time apart, but it has been good and rich for us both. I think this is the longest we have spent apart in these last few months, but it is good to see that bond of friendship is still there. So good to hear his voice and know that life is coming together for him. I was somewhat surprised that upon taking Brian to the airport, he didn't hop the plane himself for a short visit to the city that now his heart in many ways calls home. He is excited too! He gets his car/baby back today. Maybe tonight I will have time to wash and detail it for him.

That reminds me...got to clean the car soon. I had 5 awesome days of clean, gleaming machine, then the rain hit us for a few hours. Grrrrr...another bit of time shaved off my day, but I love washing cars. There is something cathartic and soul pleasing to me about spending time with my machines. They have always been my true loves. I still have the first Mustang I ever bought and he doesn't get out of the garage much. So many years, relationship, travels and stories that car has has brought me through. Wrecks, near death, catastrophe. When I left of the Navy in my new Wrangler, I left him a crashed heap in my Dad's hands to do what he wanted with it. I was hurt and upset that he was wrecked...but also was trying to distance myself from the pain by acting like I did not care.

When I returned home on leave...my Dad had something to show me.

Sitting there under a car cover was HIM. My first true love. Lovingly and painstakingly restored and better than when he rolled out off the assembly line. Gleaming red and black, 5.0 HO engine rebuilt, new aluminum Tremek race transmission, 850 double pumper Holley carb, high rise aluminum intake, roller rockers, roller cam, equal length headers, custom 3'' H-pipe and Flowmaster duals, completely reupholstered interior, massive wheels and rubber...ready to eat the streets! He was alive!

I was stunned, floored...and moved to tears.

This...this is how my Dad showed me he loved me. I was his beloved son. We speak to each other in actions, in machines...even in post it notes. Each time I take the cover off to wake him back to life and roam around the streets and scenes of my youth, I smile. And not just a simple grin...I mean a big, toothy, shit eating, happy as all fuck, my life is awesome smile!

This is a gift my Father gave me. He erased the past mistakes, reworked the broken pieces, replaced the parts that were beyond repair and slowly rebuilt the machine of my youth. He brought peace and new life to that which I had wrecked again and again and again.





You catching my drift here?





This is an amazing picture of what my God, my daddy, does for me each time I wreck this life beyond all recognizance. Those hard smashes into the guard rails, the losing control off the road, the burn outs, the fender benders, the hydroplaning, the drunken, mangled stupid choices. The relationships, the lies, the fears, the mistakes, the choices made, the lack of control, the over abundance of power harnessed to a boys desires, all of these things I keep doing over and over and over.

When I get out of the way...

When I step aside...in that space, when I am not watching, busy with so many other cares. Playing with new toys new people, new places, new ideas...

He is working. In that shop of all time. With tools too arcane and complex for me to comprehend. He lovingly, tenderly and sometimes painfully starts restoring my wrecked life.

My crushed and dented soul.

My rusted and poorly timed heart.

And it takes time. In the process there is flames, sparks, the shriek of tortured parts being made straight. The ugliness of body work and primer. But slowly...it starts taking shape.

And one day...one day...

When I open up the bay doors of my mind and spirit, possibly in the last and later moments of my life, I will see something, a shape, under a cover and I will wait with breathless anticipation, hoping, praying, wanting, dying to know...

And those lights will break open...that cover, that is my body, will be pulled back and underneath it all...

I will sit revealed. Fashioned as HE had planned. Better than the day I was born. New. Restored. Healed. Beautiful. Perfect.



And man...I am going to get in and drive.

That open highway that is all eternity...


:D Peace guys! Can you tell I am having a good day?!