So I sat here telling myself excuses as to why I do not have time to really post today, and then realized that in the time of the internal discussion I was having with myself, I could put a few simple words down to mark my days.
The reluctance with which I meet this page seems to mirror the way that my eyes slide off of themselves in the mirror while shaving. This was once a task much enjoyed by myself. The grooming... the ritual... the essence of manhood distilled into an early morning act. But now I find myself shaving in the shower more and more. Standing under hot water while my fingers search my features and simple muscle memory and tactile sensation guide my razor over a visage unmarred, but rather left unseen.
Why this change in my pattern? What is there in my own eyes that seems to keep myself wounded from myself? Are the questions being asked of me in those sweaty dreams at night slowly finding their way to the waking parts of my mind and driving a wedge deeper and more tightly into the heart spaces of my mind?
I do no know at the moment. My mind is still not sharpened to the day. I wait for the dryer to deliver warm cords and a tumbled and warm sweater. My coffee sits neglected for just a moment as I contemplate this grey day and how it will unfold.
I am not sad.
Happy I am not.
Where does this leave me?
The thought that comes to mind is:
Paradigm Shift.
No comments:
Post a Comment