Happy Birthday Mathieu!

Soooo...its another day! And it just so happens to be Mathieu's birthday! A friend of mine celebrates another milestone in his time without altering much of his daily schedule it seems. I want to wish him the very best, thank him for the time we share, communication and understanding had, thankfulness for his being born and hopefulness for a future well spent. Love ya dude and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOO YOUUUUU...okay I won't sing the whole song here! I'll catch ya on the phone later...lol :D


Found myself awake moments ago, gasping for air and coughing once again, as this silly virus tries to fill my lungs with fluid. I am not having none of it! For 5 days I have fought this onslaught and the feeling in my body now is that I am gaining the upper hand. All too long it has been since I have been ill, so the toll on my body and mind is something I would rather not repeat for quite some time. Such is the life of a guy who lives in the Midwest United States with its penchant for odd seasonal swings as we sluff off the last remaining days of winter and move lock step into what appears to be Spring...or something like that. First two days of 60 degree beautiful weather, then 2 days of snow storms, followed by 2 more days of sunshine and warm weather that then turns into thunderstorms predicted for yet a fortnight. When will the awful pattern ever cease?

I must say, taking nasal decongestants and expectorants before bed time makes for some strange and odd dreams indeed! Random thought...if the Moon in all his beauty can pull and push the tides of the seas, then what in the world can he do to my cerebral fluid of my brain? I may just be a bit moon struck or luna crazy today?

So the agenda posthaste...shortly calling in to work to determine when they would like to see this boy's body. (the term boy loosely used not as to connote insipid youth, but more an adaptation of how I see myself emotionally as of late) Some chagrin as to what the rain shall do to the appearance of my freshly washed and waxed car, no top down today, and this will necessitate a change of wardrobe plans. Working out this morning will be a chore, but my body is in dire need of the endorphins it will provide, plus time and tide wait for no man. Summer is fast approaching and soon more body and less clothing will be the norm. My skin is hungry for the sun. Prolly get some grub and coffee worked in there and then it is off to shower and shave. I am shaving at the sink again with no fear of meeting my eyes in the mirror. Progress? Morning rituals complete it will be time to head into the city for another fun filled day at the office. What dreams may come?

Wow...yeah...I am in a weird head space. Not sure if this is the after effects of the meds or simply another one of those odd days where my brain works a bit more efficiently in its strange but wonderfully arcane ways? We shall see what is afoot later. I have a feeling I look beautiful today, so we will see how this perception works on others. Some days we just glow and others certainly take a shine to us. Hope that feeling lasts till the weekend and that I am fit and found well for Michael. Would hate to keep interrupting shared moments with some random fit of coughing. Not so sexy...ya think?

Today will be good. Seriously hungry I can tell, after being sick, but also ravenously horny as well. This body is taking Spring seriously and I can tell the sap is rising much higher than normal. Gonna have to keep my eyes and hands to myself till space and time present itself I guess. Grrrrr...loving and hating being a man on days like this, though would choose this particular option over all others. Yay for that! Cheers for taking a piss standing up and being allowed to scratch whenever the notion calls for it. I celebrate the body male! Finest kind and all that load of rubbish. But seriously, I love being a guy. I have no idea how the females manage to do it.

Digression of the oddest sorts this morning in my mind, but a clearer space I find myself in. Looking forward to work today, wearing some different colors and kicks, though not diggin' the idea of being wet and slogging through water. The Plaza always looks a bit muted in the rain though it will be great for all the bulbs and flowers that are slowly poking their heads out of bed to see if Old Man Winter has taken his leave.

Paradigm shift to some extent in my life and finding more peace where conflict has reigned. To wit, after many talks with my Dad, Mom, friends and trusted advisors I am taking a sabbatical on the "struggle" per se of rectifying my faith with my practice. Meaning...I have been gay since the day my body and mind woke up and first noticed these other awesome things called boys and even with the addition of faith and God in my life, I refuse to compromise the integrity of my mind in order to justify some conflict that others seem to find so noble. That concept is being tabled at the moment in order to make sense of much more pressing things in my life.

For those of you readers with a devout faith and calling, never fear, I am not walking away from my relationship with God and the church...but I am calling a cease fire in this continual struggle for my attention to matters that are but one small part of life. I was fine before all this started, I will continue to be fine when all matters are laid to rest. This argument seems to have been foisted on me by well intended souls, but I am handing it back to them for the moment. Talk amongst yourselves and let me know where you land. I have feeling you will be talking about it for quite some time to come. As for me and my house...I choose peace with myself and God.

Bring on the day! I am ready! Woot, woot! This song is for the birthday boy!