It is THAT time of year again, when the dog day of summer are upon us, when the sweltering heat cover all the sticky people like a wet, thick blanket and the social calendar begins to fill itself like a rain barrel that has swollen with all the wet.
I have not written much lately, not for a lack of activity, but more for an absence of words to really describe all the changes that my life is making as this year gradually speeds up. It is with an anticipation that I look towards the fall (my favorite time of the year besides, Christmas and the breaking of Spring.) Looking back at half of the year, I can see so much personal growth and shift that it scares me a bit with the excitement it has brought.
My house and life are being put in order, as I slowly learn again that age old principal of obedience. I took some time off to make the changes I needed, as well as to find some space to process, unwind and truly reflect on the path I am on. My relationship with Michael has been placed in the proper perspective and he is now in the best place in my life. I have become much more connected to community and church, My spiritual life is bewildering as much as it is exciting and the people in my life I love are near and such a gift each day.
My parents and I visited the school that I will be attending these next four years as I undertake my next life project of getting another bachelors degree in Culinary Arts and Restaurant and Hotel Management. Due to it being a private, religious school, I have much apprehension and concern about how my orientation and person would be received. I would have to say that the religious organizations that I have encountered in my life so far have had less than stellar responses. The church I grew up in kicked me out, all in love of course. My school that I attended from the age of two to eighteen pretty much disowned me after graduation and always there were people shaking their heads, raising their fists and voices and proclaiming judgment and hate over me.
The college loved me! I knew once I saw the campus, met a few people and had my interviews with the Administration and Deans that this was to be my new home away from all my other homes. Hell, even the guy that gave my parents a tour of the place while I was off being interrogated was a damn attractive friend of Dorothy. While I wasn't expecting open arms, due to their reputation in academia and Honor Code, it was refreshing to know that I was not being shunned or rejected once again due to the fact that I am gay. Amen for answered prayer and enlightened individuals! I am so excited to get back into the classroom and finally start pursuing the passion I have had since a child!
Church has been amazing and in one short week we will be making our annual Pilgrimage as a whole to go spend four days together at a camp in Kansas. This is always an amazing and life generating time as we get away from all our normal lives, meet together and simply enjoy life and community. It is not a space for preaching, sermons or massive change, but more of a time to recharge, refocus, center ourselves and connect to each other for the upcoming year ahead. I know that this year is going to be amazing! Old friends, new friends, families, couples, singles, children and everything in between. It is going to rock!
I am up freakin' early this morning, cause I am like a kid before Christmas! Stephen, Max and I are heading up to Colorado to spend some time in the mountains and to visit some friends of mine from high school. Through a stroke or luck, or Providence, Stephen met Craig this last year and they also have become fast friends. Today we load up the truck and head out bright and early for Denver and parts beyond! It is going to be a great trip! I can't wait to see the mountains and play in some snow during the summer. We are going to be hiking, rafting, climbing, biking and all the other things that the amazing state has to offer. It truly is an exhilarating and inspiring place. To get outside and just play again, but in the mountains instead of the lake is almost as getting back on the ocean! Road trips are my favorite times, and the conversation, music and laughs are always the best when the tedium of driving across Kansas starts working its magic on us all. I can't wait to see Craig and the guys again and we are going to be hanging out with his friends and church. Good stuff, people!
Well, my brain and body are waking up finally and I am going to wrap this short update up. The second half of the year is upon us and it will be a whirlwind all the way till New Years! I will be back and forth from California to Maine before the sun sets on the last day of 2010. I hope you all are well and those your love are always within reach of your arms and smile. Peace to you all and have an amazing time!
Daemon
Great post...I love roadtrips too. It's been far too long since I've been on one.
ReplyDeleteYou talked a little about obedience and putting your relationship with your boyfriend in perspective. What is that looking like for you right now?
GandE,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment and questions. The trip was amazing and I had a blast getting to know friends from church, as well as meet new people and catch up with old friends from the past.
You asked me what obedience looked like to me and it is pretty simple.
I was becoming increasingly convicted that many of the things in our relationship were something that compromised my testimony to him and to others as a Christian who struggles to follow Jesus.
This confession led to an awesome conversation with him, that things, as they stood, were making me miserable and I was not able to continue with some of the choices we had made.
We both shared our feelings and thoughts on this and while they differed greatly due to our perspective and faith, we both agreed that it was for the best to step back from the actions that made me uncomfortable and conflicted and live out our relationship in a more simple manner.
While this decision was not an easy one, as my heart and body often long for much more, I know we have decided wisely and am at peace with the friendship we are building all over again.
Daemon