Afternoon breaky think...

Sitting here with my paws up, eating a sammich and cooling down after a morning spent in the city. Stephen is still sick, so he called me to grab him some groceries at the store and drop them off at his loft. Who knew there were so many kinds of orange juice and peanut butter?! He is worried about getting me sick, so we kept our distance, but it was good to see him and talk about stuff. He really helped a lot last night listening to all my ramblings about junk. (He looked really cute in his pj pants with serious bed head, but uh...whatever, he's my friend as well as brother and I don't need to think about him like that!) Anyway...killed some time at my coffee shop, sketching people and listening to tunes and got the news I am going to St. Louis tomorrow with a friend from church. Looks to be a good time, working and hanging out with someone I kind of know from the camping trip, but not really well. He is an amazing guy, who owns a couple of business' and is also a personal trainer and massage therapist. He is always so full of life and happy and it will be good to get to know him better. I am always happy in the road anyway!

BTW...this sammich, pickles and chips is KILLER! Om, nom, nom, nom...

Sooo...still have some stuff to do this afternoon. Going to go out to eat with the parents tonight, guess Mom will call me about when and where. I am in a better frame of mind now, kind of got all that crap worked out for a bit, but it is still frustrating me. It is NOT good for a man to be alone...God even said so! And yeah...I'm pretty aware that He is not so down with me mating with a guy.

Meh...summer is winding down slowly and I am soooo ready for fall. Crap! I forgot I was supposed to go to some dinner at church tonight! Oh well, family comes first. I guess I am just in a weird transitional space now with life. Things up in the air, everything changing, trying to find God in all of this, and wondering at times if this whole "struggle" is really worth it. It is so draining at times and I am tired of fighting me. What is the point really? All it does is stress me out and aggravate me. I don't see an end in sight, and no rewards for trying to do what is right. It just seems like so much crap.

I guess my life must seem easy to some people, but it has taken years and years of hard work to get even to this point and I am not finished yet. I cannot wait for the day when I am where I am supposed to be, with who I am intentioned to be with, doing all the things I love and living in peace with all those around me. Kind of a big goal, I know, but completely attainable. It is not so much about money as it is time. Success always finds me. I am starting to really figure out who I want to be when I keep growing up...more who and not so much what.

Wonder who invented pickles? I dunno...but they sure are good!

So yeah, what a weird, strange, eventful, changing and transitional summer. NOTHING went as planned, but I can say I have enjoyed it immensely, even the darker times. I have learned something from each person I have shared space, time and life with. Guess the only regrets I have off the top of my head, is foolish mistakes made with my body and friends, but it was another lesson learned. Guess I will come on back when I have something of more substance to say, but blogging here while I kill time is a good way to stay on track and out of porn land. True? So thanks for helping me!

Peace