The open road

After a few days to process and think I have decided to take a trip. Getting out of town for the weekend and making sure I do nothing that is routine. In fact, I will be making conscious decisions to do nothing in the ordinary ways of my life.

Had some good talks with friends about my frustrations and concerns to date about life and relationships and at least got many of the thoughts out of my head. I am thankful for friends who simply listen, acknowledge what I see, ask probing questions and then just leave it at that. They want me to own my choices and know that I have the will and strength to see me through.

I am not a weak person. The life I have built is nothing but a testament to the fact that in the midst of adversity and hardship I always flourish and grow. It has been during times of intense pressure that my real strength and force of purpose emerges. It was kind of inspiring to hear from them how my path and journey have inspired and encouraged so many others who may not say much for whatever their reasons may be.

This is a huge step for me and one in which I am laying down what others thoughts and perceptions are of myself and simply living out what I know to be true and authentic in my heart. It is not a matter of having lived without integrity in the past, but that third person perspective of myself that was cultivated in the halls and grounds of a private school, made integral to my person in University and then forged to my thought process' in the Navy is being discarded.

I want to view my life from the first person at all times. Looking out of my eyes at the world each and every moment. Not some reflection or other perspective of my that is shaped by the reactions and thoughts of those around me and the people I know I impact.

This is not so much a 'sod off' to others as it is a wake up call to myself. That uninhibited child like wonder and wildness I used to possess in scads is returning. It is that very spark of person that draws others to me, but has become muted by the cares of the world and the slow maturing process that time brings. I am not shrugging off responsibility or finding license to live out a care free existence, but more of a conscious decisions to simply be myself, as odd as that may be to some in society, as many moments of each and every day as I can manage.

I guess it is the divorcing of the ideals, cares, wants and desires of others for what "they would do in my shoes" and putting on a few pair of those amazing shoes I have and beginning to dance to the fantastic music I have heard in my head since I was a child.

The marriage of the inner and outer me is being celebrated once again and man, it is feeling great! In a few hours, I will be jumping in my car, throwing the top down, cranking up the tunes, hitting the high way and zoom, zooming east to points not quite known. I shall return in a few days, if that is where my road takes me to start putting into action the lessons and concepts I learn on this wandering, unplanned way. No reinvention here, simply rediscovery of that intriguing and crazy guy that is me...who just has been quiet for a bit too long.

Wish me luck! :)

Daemon

Suddenly all of my ancestors are behind me. Be still, they say. Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands