Friends lately have been confusing me. Stephen called to grab some lunch the other day, Wednesday I think? I don't remember, but I kind of blew him off. He is back from California now and I am not sure what head space he is in. He went to this thing out there that I do NOT agree with due to it's affiliation with different groups that I consider anti-gay, so who knows what his head is full of at the moment. I miss hanging out with him, but at the same time, don't need someone in my life who is always trying to change me, while at the same time confusing me about what he wants out of our friendship. He has a lot on his plate right now, career decisions, shopping for a house, selling his loft, God, all of that. I dunno. I have been avoiding small group lately too for about a month or so. Those people confuse me.
New friend Troy is interesting. He wants to hang out some more and "get to know me better" as he puts it. We get along well for some reason and still don't quite remember how we ended up hanging out. Guess it just kind of happened from conversation and talking. Helped him fix his car the other day, simple stuff really. Fuel injectors were clogged and the float in his gas tank was stuck. Ran by and hung out with him when he was working, got to play Wii for the first time. That was fun. He has got some cool kites too that we want to fly once the weather clears up. Simply just walking around the park and listening to him and his story was pretty interesting. He is kind of down on himself and does not quite understand that sometimes life is a cycle. He is at a rebuilding stage at the moment, and doesn't think that he has much to offer a friend. He doesn't get it. It is not what we have that makes us, us...it is who we are. I like making him laugh and smile, offering him a different perspective on all the things he sees as obstacles to happiness and success. He shared some stuff about his past that I think that he thought would run me off or scare me, but nothing really phases me anymore. We all have made different decisions but it is how we overcome and get past those that make us the guys we are. Maybe it would be a lot easier if he wasn't so cute?
Kind of feeling cut off from many of my friends that encourage me, but it is just timing I guess? Life happens, we all get busy, stuff is misunderstood, whatever. Things are speeding up at church and I am getting involved more again. Maybe I just need some more alone time and might stop committing to doing so much with so many people. Once everyone knows you have free time they call and know you've got space to hang out. Maybe some me time is in order? Kind of wander off with my books and stuff and search for some quiet?
Maybe I am just getting anxious for school to start. That is going to be a big change for sure. Wonder how I will get on will all my class mates and how tough this next four years is going to be? I am excited to finally get the chance to pursue something I have a passion for, but at the same time, kind of feel like I am regressing. The last 5 years have been very adult and some days I feel guilty for living like a teenager again. Am I just spinning my wheels and avoiding life, or is this time something that has been good for me? Remains to be seen, I guess.
Guess I will head into the city soon, watch it wake up. It IS Friday, so I know there will be many things to do all weekend. Hope everyone doesn't start blowing my phone up, but oh well, I can always say no.
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