The space and place we make...

I want to make a difference. I am growing tired of simply living for myself. I guess somewhere along the way, my eyes got really full of me, and my life started orbiting around myself and what I want. My little sister told me four years ago, in a matter of fact way, "Daemon, you are selfish." I still remember her saying this to me as we traveled back from our cabin where we spend family Christmas each year.

I don't remember all the facts that led up to her statement, though I remember a few: the stupid spending I did on myself, the blatant over use of the concierge, partying with the staff of the resort and a bunch of other crap things that filled my time with others instead of family. At the time she told me, I simply accepted that and said that, "Yes, I am selfish and why should I not be? I am not married, I have no kids, my time and money are mine. Who is there to take care of but me?"

I think I have lived this way most of my life, except for the times when I have been in a serious relationship or distracted by other friendships or family members that demanded my attention, time and concern. But even in those times, I still think that I looked out for myself first much of the time. I have had no problem dropping my life to care for those others who needed little or much at times, but even in that helping, much of it was to salve my conscience for not doing more, more often, sooner, better, harder or more sincerely.

I want to make a difference.

I want my absence to leave a hole that cannot be filled.

I want to learn how to give instead of take.

I want to be more than the laughter that passes.

I want to be counted on.

I want to be numbered as one who cares.

I want to be more than just myself.

Once in a great while, we encounter people that cast shadows larger than themselves. Who make more with the little that they are blessed with, than all our great efforts and large wallets can muster. And somewhere in it all, they make a difference.

They are the magic that comes into the room that fades when they leave, the smiles that drive out shadows that slowly creep back into the corners once gone, the warm touches that dispel the cold of loneliness that our skin aches for and misses when away, the voices on the phone that bring choked tears and the bright faces that we seek, when we so desperately need help.

I want to be that kind of man.

I know I can change.

I need to learn how to love something more than myself.

I think that something is all of you.

I start now.


"Greater love has no man than this, than he lay down his life for a friend."