What an odd day. Eyes open and awake at 4 am for some reason. Shook my body loose and started my day with a kind of grainy view of reality. As if the lighting director had it all wrong and the film wasn't loaded quite correctly. I could tell the blocking was a bit off, cause I kept running into doorways, but not in the I got hurt sort of way, just those brushing passes that feel your shoulders and toes up a bit.
Got my errands ran and came home for a while and found myself lying down, reading a favorite book from childhood, A Wrinkle In Time, and then suddenly, right after Mrs. Who transmogrified in from of the children, I slipped off to sleep. Just woke up and everything is still a bit off. Not sure if I am tired, or cranky, or hungry, or what...
Eh, who cares?!
Got so much pent up in my head it won't come out at the moment. Been studying out what I really believe and how to live it out. Considering big and small decisions. Helping friends when I don't feel I have any answers myself. Trying to live right and still managing to fail miserably, at least that is how it feels to me.
There has got to be more than this! I am tired of fighting, of arguing, of debating, of flexing, of hoping, of defending, of being attacked, of resisting, of educating, of conversing and of crying. And this is all prompted and engaged in with the very guys who call themselves my friends and say they love me!
Screw it, I can't write right now. I want to come back later and talk about my Dad. Peace...
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