Finally home...Ahhh

Today woke early, with the sound of music from the stereo alarm (thank God for Bang Olufsen) and gentle snuffles from the coffee machine obeying the setting that I programmed the night previous. It was 5 am. I rolled over and placed my feet on the floor and slowly booted up the brain and got my body in motion. A long shower and all my morning ritual and patterns done, found me clad and out the door to a cool, crisp morning. I love those early morning drives into the city, when it has yet to waken to another Saturday. Everything seems so clean, bright and possible.

My early start was due to the fact that this morning was our Men's Breakfast at my church. Our community of guys gets together each month and has a meal together or some kind of activity to share space, time and life with each other as a group of males. This isn't some kind of stuffy activity, but truly a place where we can open up and love on each other, bear burdens, talk through life, argue sports, and generally be ourselves without the constraints of prying eyes, listening ears or preconceived ideas of who we "should be". It is a safe place where we can be who we "could be", daring each other to dream, and the reality of who we actually are.

Couple of cars and trucks in the lot when I rolled in and found my space and rumbled down the back stairs to the kitchen. It was already warm and cozy as the ovens heated up and I wandered into Banner Hall to find our usual group slowly setting up and waking up to another morning where a part of each of us would still like to be in our beds, fast asleep. We are all creatures of habit, but most of all, men are pretty much creatures. It is in these safe places called home, or community, where one can actually see what animals we truly are. Not in just a wild beast sense (though we are that at times when riled our aroused) but in a sincere, face searching, self scratching, slightly musky, stubbled sort of way.

We got the hall set up with our abstract patterns of tables and chair and awaited David to show up with the groceries. This is one of my favorite times when we all gather in the huge kitchen and take our places to cook and prepare food for all the guys who will be showing up in an hour or so. We few, we happy few, we band of unshaven brothers get the chance to serve our tribe with the simple work of our hands. Someone cranks up the tunes, we start eagerly pounding the first coffee of the day and here we go!

This mornings grub is from Trader Vic's, thanks to David our local business man who brought them here to KC, and we had some wicked bad food for a bunch of guys. Garreth from Melbourne proved quite handy in making fresh blueberry and strawberry compote to enjoy on the pancakes. He was a chef in Australia, Paris and London before making his was here to the states and I so love talking to him about all his adventures. That accent, his genuine warmth has made him near and dear to our hearts here at the Well...plus the dude can cook! New and old faces working together to get shyte done! It smelled soooooo good. :)

Wow...some serious grubbing was going on. Everyone showed up and we sat to eating with a will. Got to talk to Steven J. this morning which was nice. Had not had much time with him since the Pilgrimage and it was great to catch up on life and times. All too often we let people slip away from us just because of our schedules and self-absorption. Met some new guys and had a awesome time sharing testimony and finding out more life behind all the faces I know. We have such a close knit group and we all know it and are thankful for this place we have to come know and be known.

After everyone had kind of kicked back and circled up, Maston opened us in prayer and brought us up to date on events coming up. Looks like we will be out at Wild Bill's again soon for a date with the VIP room and Bodacious the Mechanical Bull! Yahoo! :) April will bring our Man Stuff Retreat and we will be out at Tall Oaks for 3 days and nights of camping, cabins and campfires. Sounds like it's going to be an freakin' cool and special time. Plus...dude...we're going to have FIRE!

David brought us on topic for our discussion and dialogue and read from Romans 6. Powerful stuff! Yep...it's all about freedom. We all broke up into smaller groups and really had some candid talks about these verses, their meaning and implication in our lives and how and where we were at, what we were facing, doubts and fears, confessions and just loving on each other in our own simple, quiet ways. I was asked to share some of my testimony to my group, new guys to me, and I spoke plainly of my faith and what it meant to me today. Their experiences and perspective are familiar in ways, so foreign in others. Some struggles I am facing and where and how I hope to be. It was such an encouragement to be heard and seen. The simple acceptance of being from guys so different, and yet the same, spoke strength and love to my soul. This is the brotherhood of men, the healthy love and touch of peers and something my heart craves deeply and remembers fondly from the Navy and old school mates. I have a place and I am known, loved, challenged and sought after. It is here I can love back and share life with others just like me in this walk of faith and life. We come from all points to meet here. In some way, these gatherings help me to understand David in the Bible and his might men. It is my tribe, my pack, my community I never thought I would have when I left my old one.

God provides.

Belonging. It is such a powerful thing.

After our group talks we all packed together again to share in community what we had learned, saw thought and felt about this passage and our conversations with each other and something very unique and a bit awe inspiring happened.

When the floor was opened to talk...no one spoke.

The first few minutes appeared like an uneasy silence as all those present waited for the first alphas to speak up, but soon that vacancy of sound became simple, content smiles and eye contact.

We were content to sit in silence, all 40 or so of us and simply wait.

Togetherness.

Peace.

Trust.

This was so powerful. It was naked. It was raw. It was tangible and visceral.

We just were present and being in that single moment.

Each of us could see and witness the magnitude of what was occurring of us simply being there.

Be still and know that I am God.

I believe that is what happened.

Talk about being moved.

And then the moment, as softly as it came had passed. You could feel the shift in the air and in your body as we collectively soul sighed and prepared ourselves to speak and listen.

There had been silence for the space of many minutes. But so much was spoken in those moments.

Finally someone spoke quietly, recognized the enormity of what had just happened and then those who felt led to speak shared their thoughts corporately. I talked simply of my bondage and my challenge to freedom in areas that I felt most chained. Easy words but heartfelt and authentic shared with those who gave witness to my life.

I am so blessed.

After we wrapped up, I stayed around a bit to talk to some of my new and old friends and we got the place cleaned up and in order. Dylan and Garreth manned the sinks while we all pitched in to restore the place to wholeness. Had an awesome talk with new friends while we worked and got a few good book recommends as well as encouragement and love. In the end...it looked as if we had never been there at all.

And who says men are worthless around the house? :)

After alot of good hugs and words we parted ways and I resumed my busy day. Work filled the hours and then in the evening I had a visitor.

Michael came by to see me. He and Fallon(the doggie) were out on the Country Club Plaza and they dropped in to say hello and take a break with me.

I won't lie. It was so good to see him.

We walked around and talked, Kind of caught up on life and the days we had missed. Easy laughter and smiles. Time shared and then it was time for me to get back to work.

He came in for awhile and met some of my guys and then all too soon was gone, but he asked me to call when I got off of work.

Tonight we just grabbed some take out and sacked out on the couch, all three of us, and watched movies and grubbed. We went outside for a bit, keeping each other warm on the deck swing , sitting in the moonlight and I pointed out the constellations of our late winters sky over his shoulder till he could pick them out, one by one.

I am content with what we have and where we are.

Around 11 pm I could tell he was tired and still wasn't quite over this little bug he has had all week, so we took a walk with Fallon and then I slipped out to come back home. The drive home was so peaceful, listening to new music under a full moon and clear starry skies.

We are changing, him and I.

But I don't have the language for it.

And now I sit here, writing away, till soon it is my bedtime as well.

Sleep tight kiddos and may all your prayers be heard and answered. Peace and love to you all.

Amen