Without meaning to, I found myself lost in music this evening for several hours and took a long musical
journey all the way back to times I had forgotten, back to a place where I was a different me. I sat down at my piano and just started to play. I guess somewhere along the way I got lost.
One song led to another and with each finished chord and note my mind would grasp out and remember some forgotten song that I had learned along the way and the time and years flew by. It is strange how melody and music captures time and space for me. Some of these songs and tunes I literally had not played since high school and before and with each recalled note I found myself taking new steps in memory. Faces and places just seemed to drift across the back drop of my closed eyes, and while my chops and fingers aren't quite as crisp as they once were, I really was transported back to spaces in my mind and heart that have been untouched for oh, so many years.
I am not ashamed to admit that I cried. I wept. The tears came and went. Sometimes the music was loud, furious and passionate as I struggled to recall the classical pieces that I sweated and worked over back when I was a boy. Other moments were quiet, sweet and serene as my soul mused over a forgotten love or distant place I once saw or lived in. So many faces. Such different scenery of the heart. Somewhere in the moment of it all, I started singing. While half aware that on a Sunday night that the neighbors were all out in yards, on decks and patios and enjoying the beautiful weather, after a while I was simply lost in the music. I didn't care what they heard. I didn't care that they heard. While I have rarely been able to play or sing for others in my life, this night I sang for me. I sang for all of them in my past. I sang and poured out my heart for all those years gone by. The kid that I was. The boy I became. The gangly adolescent who didn't quite ever fit in. The student. The sailor. The man. Even now, I still am a bit overwhelmed and am simply hoping to capture something here that seems to be slipping away from me. I
But I know where to find it.
It lives in my piano. It resides in my voice. All of that life and love is in my heart. It was never gone. It was merely left idle. Frozen in time by music just waiting to be released by my fingers and raw emotion. How strange to have let this gift gather dust for so long? Such a way to pour out that deep pool that so often lies silent and still.
It felt good.