There have been many times in this past month where I have paused to sit down and share here the thoughts and musings of my mind, but at each happenstance and moment, some circumstance, situation or idle quirk would draw my mind away to another place and leave this space blank. This could have been easily rectified if I would have but carved out some space and time to truly work things out in my head, but life, in its own fickleness, has a way of passing us by.
So tonight, here I sit with some time on my hands. The day has been cool and gray with a magnificent thunderstorm this afternoon that I napped my way through after work. I did not realize how tired I had become but after waking up five hours later, I felt much refreshed. Can I still call a sleep that long a nap? I guess since it occurred in the afternoon, it still qualifies for such a moniker.
With the weather as my inspiration, I decided this evening to do some baking after dinner. My meal was a simple affair of Pasta with Italian Sausage and a Garlic and Olive oil based Marinara Sauce, some fresh steamed Broccoli de Rapa and a light green Salad. Sometimes the more simple repasts are the most enjoyable. After browsing through many recipes I decided on an Apple Cake. My little sister, before she left for Peru this week, had given me a bag of fresh apples and I thought with this weather something including apples, cinnamon, walnuts and butter would be a great treat, plus would make the house smell incredible and homey.
So what have I been up to besides living and work? That really isn't an easy question to answer. I could list the activities that have filled my time, but that would only give you a rough schedule of events that wouldn't even scratch the surface of the journey my heart and head has been on since I last sat here and truly penned my days. I know that I am growing, but in what direction and in what spaces, I still have yet to see. The changes I have sensed and alluded to in the past are slowly coming to fruition, but this seems like such a slow process, at least to me, a person rather interested in seeing results quickly. Life's timetable moves of its own accord and I am having to content myself with the wait. I think that possibly, it is in this waiting is where the growing happens.
Spring is here and Summer will soon be upon us. For many and diverse reasons these are the favorites of my temporal seasons. I find myself in the part of the years where smiles find me easiest but I am still plagued by a restlessness that there is either something that I am missing, or something more that I should be pursuing. It is almost as if the anticipation of this time has greatly exceeded the reality of living in it or it is completely possible that I am missing something entirely. It is too early to quite tell. I am content now with the beautiful weather and seeing new things come to life all around me. Perhaps I am just to wait quietly, keep my head and eyes up and watch. I know nothing in my life that I have attempted to force to happen has ever resulted in something worthwhile.
I wish there were copious insights and profound lessons that I could share about the time that has past lately, but in truth, my life is simple. I don't have any complex problems that I am wrestling with. My inclusion of others in my days do not create drama, strife or conflict that would generate anything of note. I much prefer it that way, but I do long for some excitement, something to stir me up and prompt something new. Maybe that is not the season I am in currently? This is not the winter of my discontent, but rather the spring of my quiet happiness. Who knows?
For now, I work each day. I read new books. I play outside in the sun and the rain. I work in my gardens and yard. I spend time with family and friends when I choose to. I drive my car down curvy country roads and smile like an idiot to each song. I listen to good music and search for more. I play piano for myself. I sit and muse to myself over coffee in public. I see the sunrise and sunset each day. I am living. I hope that you are as well.