Thursday, May 31, 2012

How Americans sound to British People

A Stay at Home Day

A nice storm last evening. Woke up to a cool, grey bedroom with light filtering in through the clouds and drapes. Slept amazingly well. Spent yesterday with Nick, a former boyfriend from 2000 who has recently orbited back into my life. We laid around listening to music, talking and watching videos while he caught up on laundry.  Had a cuddle and good talk. It is neat when our pasts meet our present. We went over to friends of his for dinner and they introduced me to a new comedy New Britain. Check it out if you have never seen an episode and enjoy British comedy. They are great guys, another trio. That seems to be a common theme lately. Really enjoyed the evening with them and Nick but then decided to come home and sleep in my own bed. Ahhh...

Do not really have any plans for the day, so have been doing chores around the house of my own, laundry, tending to the garden and yard, cooking myself some breakfast and puttering I guess. Kind of a nice change from the frantic pace that so often can find me. I tend to fill each day with people, activities, places and things and somehow have forgotten how to simply be at home and relax. I have to say, it is rather nice.

Lunch is in the oven now. Had a cool snap today so decided to do a Grilled Chicken with sauteed Carrots, Onions, Peppers and Garlic Alfredo Gratin. I have all the doors and windows open and the breeze and smells from a fresh rain are drifting through the house. It is a good day to pad  aroundbarefoot without a shirt on and a care in the world. A great day for a lie about and nap.

I think I may just stay home all day today. I have no idea when I did that last. With the lights off, everything is cool and dark and it feels like a good day to retreat away and walk softly around in the silence. Maybe practice some piano later, play through some old favorites or tackle some of the new music I have been picking up lately. Sun up to sun down at home. How does that sound? I'd ask you to join me but I rather enjoy my own company. The peace and quiet suits me. I have needed it and did not know that.

I will cease for now.

daemon

Truth!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Call me Gaybe!

Heart of Darkness: The Church

I am horribly upset. I am incredibly sick. I am beside myself with worry and anxiety. My guts are in knots and churning inside me. I have a burning fury and pounding anger that threatens to blow over me and steal my very reason and mind. Nothing right now is calming me down and it is all becoming so much more than I can bear.

When are these people going to leave us alone? When will the hate filled individuals who beat us, spit on us, despise us  and fight against our very right to exist be silenced or at least placed into a position to grudgingly acknowledge that we are humans too? I am a person. I did not choose to be gay anymore than they may have chosen to have brown hair. I did not ask for this but I would not give up who I am or bend a knee to anyone who calls me evil and wrong.

I cannot read of another hate crime. My heart cannot take the thought of one more young person ending their lives over the words and actions of the family and friends who profess to love them but believe in a God who calls for the destruction, eradication, suppression and persecution of another human due to our inborn, innate and created differences.

It is too much. I do not even have the words to shout out the horror in my heart, the pain in my soul and the bewildering confusion of my own experiences over the years, all for the sake of whom I love and who loves me. When will it end? When will kids stop beating other kids to death for being gay? When will gay kids stop killing themselves over what other people believe and the abuse they suffer? When will we as a country of citizens stand up and declare what is truly unjust and evil? Where does my freedom begin and  their discrimination end? Is the freedom to hate and persecute a civil liberty?

Why do they hate me? Why do they hate us? How can they live this way and continue to sleep at night? Religious leader upon religious person calls for our deaths, for us to be placed in camps to die out and state after state band together by vote to ensure that our marriages and relationships are never recognized by the very country we call home and love. We serve our country.  We pay our taxes. I have served my country. I am a citizen. I am a man. I am gay. I am a person. I matter.

Where will it stop? Is it really getting better? This fight does not seem to be getting any better and the violence seems to be escalating. Polls and surveys keep telling me that most Americans are okay with gay marriage but I don't see that or feel that. I talk to friends who are scared of being kicked out of their homes for dating someone they like, just cause that someone is a guy like them. They worry that they will lose their parents love and rightfully so! These same "God fearing" religious parents who profess to love God and their kids are the very one who spew hate, rage and disgust at the LGBT community and have no idea the damage they are doing to their own kids. It is abuse and violence, plain and simple.

Does it get better? I am not sure if it does.

I do see ONE common theme in the hate, discrimination, persecution, abuse, murder and death that is hurled at gay people like me...

Religion. A belief in God. The Bible. The CHURCH.

They and the people who follow them are at the crux of every word hurled, each curse screamed, every punch and kick thrown, every suicide, every beating and every murder. All of the blood is on their hands and on the people who sit in their pews either affirming, agreeing with or remaining silent while hate is taught to each new generation. All in God's name. 

Those who do not act to make a difference are guilty of all of the same. By their silence and inaction they approve. They couch their messages in "love" and "concern" and speak of "change" but their message comes through loud and clear. "Don't be gay or God will burn you with fire. Stop choosing to be gay. Or...you can be gay, just don't ever do anything gay. Stay single and sacrifice your life to our God. Sorry about that, but family, love, children and sex is reserved for us heterosexuals. Tough break, fag. We love you, just don't get so close."

People are taught to treat others like this.

Humans are not born to hate.

Parents should not teach their children to hate themselves.

Churches should not teach their members to hate other humans.

I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

I know where I stand and will continue to stand.

I will not be silent.

Will you?

daemon

Monday, May 28, 2012

In Memoriam




Executive Mansion,
Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.
Dear Madam,
I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,
A. Lincoln

Friday, May 25, 2012

Lunch Time


Just finished eating my  lunch. Grilled BBQ pork chops, green beans and red beans and rice with plenty of hot sauce and chopped onion. Pretty damn good eating, but then, I cooked it! Great morning so far. Ran into the city today to have lunch with my friend Lucas. The morning started out all rainy, huge storm to wake up to, but it was nice to lay there and simply doze for a while.

Stayed out pretty late last night. One of my ex-boyfriends, Nick (circa 2000) gave me a call and asked if I could come to his university and model for some special effects make up workshop they were having. I said, why the hell not and headed over there. I ended up having a blast. I have only seen him off and on a few times over the years but it was so good to catch up on life, talk about old times and reconnect. I was kind of hoping to get laid, to be honest, as that is how we usually saw each other. We would happen to be single, run into each other and just romp around, but we didn't. And I am okay with that! We still have chemistry to be sure, and we talked about what we could do, but decided not to. Man, it was so good to see him! I learned that letting someone do that kind of art work and painting on your body is pretty intimate as well. We hung out at his place afterwards, laid around on his bed and watched Youtube videos shared music and just rambled all over the place talking. I headed out around midnight and I think we are going to grab some sushi later this next week, after the holiday. It is good to be friends again, but with some time, experience and knowledge (and hopefully wisdom) gained.

He has an interesting relationship now and is in the process of moving to CO this fall. He is in a triad and has two boyfriends. They all live together in their home and are really a great group of guys. Sure, it is a bit unconventional, but then Nick always was. I understand where he is at in life right now and have lived in that heart and head space too. I am glad they have each other and am happy for the lives they share.

The sun is out now. It's a beautiful day. Had a great talk and wander around Downtown and the Crossroads with Lucas and now am fed and happy. Where will the day take me? Who knows? Michael's best friend from Atlanta is in town so I know I will be spending some time with them and of course its Memorial Day weekend, so there will be boating, swimming, grilling and lounging involved. Time to show and see some skin and get some more sun! I do love me some guys in trunks!  And out of them! Skinny dipping rocks! :D

So yeah, life is good. I am enjoying my time off and settling in to figuring out some stuff. Guess I don't have much more to say except enjoy your holiday weekend. Be safe. Be happy and make sure to spend time with the people you love and who love you.

Make sure to tell someone today that you love them, because life is so short. And remember to shout it at them loudly in German! Because life is also terrifying and confusing! Bwhahahaha....

(Ich liebe dich, "ikh leeb-uh dikh" for those who don't know, and yes, it sounds dirty to me too)

Have a great weekend all! I know I will. :P

daemon

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Inspiring Photo


"Do you need a fish that bad?" I shouted at this boy as he repeatedly cast a line into the heaving sea. "Do you need a photo that bad?" he shouted back. We ended up agreeing that we were both a little crazy for being out on the Nags Head Pier during a nor'easter.



I saw this photograph in my newest edition of National Geographic today and had to share it. I find it strangely compelling and highly motivational. Thought some might like it.

daemon

Quote of the day!



"Another boy kissed me today and I laughed in his mouth." Jay Brennan




PS: The funny thing is when I searched for an image to fit this quote, I found this picture on Google Images and decided to use it. Then I noticed that the guy on the right looked like my friend Josh kissing Sebastian, another friend of ours.

I originally thought it WAS them until the original photographer of the piece "The Kiss" commented here on this post, which led me to his website and work. Dopplegangers for sure! :)

Weekend Words

Great writing is hard work. I certainly don't consider myself a writer much less a great one, but I am inspired by the words I read that others have put forward. They challenge me, educate me and push me further in different directions that I might not have ever considered. Time spent lost in books is never ill spent, at least in my opinion. Books have been a staple part of my diet ever since I learned to read at 5 years old. They opened the world to me and made me the man I am now. Thousands of books went through my hands at a rapid pace and I am always looking for the next one. I am currently working my way through about 6 books at the moment. They all live in different places and are read at those locations. One is in my car, another in my day bag for the coffee shop. There are two in my bedroom, another one on the sun porch for the deck. They are just kind of scattered through out my life and as I visit them, I go places and meet people. As each one ends, another one begins. They all come into my life in some random fashion, as I neither buy books but rather find them for free, are given them by friends and strangers or take them on loan from my local Library.

Why am I rambling about books? I have no idea. I came here thinking how incredibly difficult it has been to try to blog about my life lately, which got me to thinking about good writing, which showed me rather than have some form of writers block, perhaps lately I have simply been lazy in my communication habits or for whatever reason, possibly reticent in sharing what has been going on. I shall attempt to resolve this a bit now. On another tangent, I was also challenged this morning by my friend Joe (you can find his blog over to the left) to write a post with an actual topic in mind. He asked me to write and answer his question, " Why do I go to church?" I hope to come back and answer that one after I have had some time to think about it. I rarely ever write with a topic in mind, so that may be rather interesting.

Where was I? Ah...yes. My life lately. Let's start with this last weekend. I spent three days doing only what I wanted, with whom I wanted to be with, in all the places and spaces that I love. I flew my kite at the park, went running around the Country Club Plaza, toured all the new art exhibits at the Nelson Atkins Art Museum, had coffee and read books at my cafe, hung out with my friends Mark and Bruce at their lovely home, went to a Preakness Pool party at Karleen's house with Michael, attended a fundraiser for the different organizations that rescue and place dogs with new homes, ate at some of my favorite restaurants, hung out on the patio at the Blue Grotto people watching and playing wingman to my str8 buddies(you are welcome, David). Just a very full and amazing three days. From sun up to sun down, I filled each day with the people, places and activities that I love and for that I am incredibly grateful.

On another note, yes, I have been spending more time with Michael as of late. We are still great friends and our lives just fit. It is strange how we have fallen back into relating to each other like a married couple, even though we have established some healthy boundaries in our friendship. Or at least I thought we had...

I slept over at his place Saturday night, as the day stretched well into the early morning hours. I was driving everyone around to all the events, as I was not drinking, and we crashed into bed around 3 am. It had been a long and good day and both of us were tired and he was actually a bit tipsy. We snuggled up and slept all night and I awoke to the sun streaming in through linen drapes and a curled up guy in my arms. All fine and good. I love sleeping with my friends, even if they have been more than friends in the past. It is a closeness and intimacy that most guys in this country miss out on. I had to piss like a race horse which was made harder to do by raging morning wood, but I managed to get out of bed without waking him, stood on my head to take a leak and then let the dogs out to play in the backyard. I sat on the deck for a while, as I have done so many other countless times and considered how good life was and how much I enjoyed spending life and time with him again.

I let him sleep in, made myself some coffee and breakfast and sat in the living room simply content to play with the dogs and be present. I decided to not go to church as I wanted to hang out with my friend. I brought him some coffee, water, ibuprofen, orange juice, toast and eggs on a tray with his paper, like the olden days. I took a shower and he finally roused himself enough to get out of bed and resume his horizontal position on the couch with the dogs...lol It was obvious he was not going to be out and about, but then he usually rests on Sunday anyway.

He had woke up horny, like I always do and wanted to do something about it. Needless to say, I had already got off twice that morning. Once in the shower, as usual and then another time on the couch, as it typically takes a few times to get the morning hornies out of my system...sometimes more than a few times, but I digress. He still was sporting his hardon from sleeping in and it wasn't going away, not even after over an hour and he started complaining about it, waving it at me and grousing about how much it hurt and how long it had been since he got laid. You know, the usual grumpy, horny guy stuff. So then he started in on me, following me around, talking about what he wanted to do and being the usual horndog a guy can be. I briefly considered taking him to the bedroom, throwing him down and screwing the hell out of him like he wanted, but actually resisted and did not respond. I literally had to physically peel him off of me when I left to go to Bruce's house. He didn't want to go with me but kept hugging me, so he could hump  and grind on me, kept kissing me to get me to make out and generally being a pest with a boner. It was cute and yes, I am still attracted to him, but there is no way I was going to go there with him. Not right now, not until we have some serious discussions about our boundaries and friendship...again. *wry grin*

So yeah, the weekend was great, except for the part where Michael turned into me and I had to escape. I feel bad for laughing so hard, but I swear he was like a little boy who wasn't getting his way. Those tricks and puppy dog eyes (not to mention his awesome dick and bubble butt) have always worked on me in the past, but we are friends now, not boyfriends, not partners, not fuck buddies and for some reason, I do not want to get more confused, even though the sex would have been amazing and a welcome diversion.

Ramble, blah, blah, blah. I am going to get some coffee. I will come back and either try to answer Joe's question today or just talk more about my so called life and whatever else comes to mind. It is a beautiful day!

daemon

Friday, May 18, 2012

This makes more sense now...



I don't know where we're going
but I know we've gone too far and
I hope it isn't showing
but I think I love you and
I can't believe you're leaving
just when I let you in and
when you had me believing
I could feel again

I could give a million reasons
why we should not be friends
our moods change like the seasons
when my mood ends your mood begins and
you're a tease, you're a cockblocker,
you're a loudmouth bitch, and a big talker,
but that's okay
you'll grow up someday

chorus:
you're the pill I never wanted to take—
an anti-misanthrope
mine was the heart I never thought you would break
my one hope was that I'd survive you

I've shown up for you
in ways that boy never would
but I know you'll go back to him and
maybe you should, but
I hope you don't go backwards
cuz I'm going on ahead and
one day you'll wish that you had
stuck with me instead

as I wander through union square
I remember when you followed me there
you were the stalker I kinda wanted to have
being your half-boyfriend was only half bad


you're the pill I never wanted to take—
an anti-misanthrope
mine was the heart I never thought you would break
my one hope was that I'd survive you


daemon


PS: Still miss you, Brian.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Full stop

I woke up today at Bruce and Mark's house and decided to stop.

So I did.

 Instead of going to work, I simply came home, rested, read and thought all day. I did not call anyone or take any phone calls. I simply stopped to think. I am glad that I did.

I think I will do the same tomorrow and the day after, or for however long it takes to get my mind in order and wrapped around what my present and near future should and will look like. I hope to share more here later but am a bit out of practice of communicating. I am sure it will come back to me.

Know this. I am well.

daemon

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I sit here in the silence, wondering, what could I have done so wrong?

 The quiet is deafening and the day stretches out before me.

 I will walk alone.

daemon

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day!



A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.  ~Washington Irving

Friday, May 11, 2012

Blurb

Work. It consumes my time. I feel like my life is rushing past me and each time I get a brief respite to concentrate on myself and the things that I love, my schedule and career beckon me back into oblivion. The weeks cycle of work, tasks, sleeping and eating is getting to me but I am plotting an end to this madness. While it certainly funds my life well, as each of my job choices have, it does not leave time for me to enjoy the people, family, friends and activities that I love. I am still trying to formulate the best strategy for rectifying this. Some boundaries are going to have to be created and space and time carved out for me.

My next appointment with Grant, my therapist, is this coming Monday. I still do not have my homework done. It is not something I have intentionally avoided but in the free time I have had, I have not felt like sitting down and journaling about the "wounds in my life" the arduous task of writing out "who I am" or taking that myriad of tests that he gave me. I will get this done before my visit but when, I am not sure. My time is spoken for until midnight on Sunday. Possibly when I get home this evening?

I slept well last night, but then I sleep well every night. I am rested, fed, coffeed and ready to start this day. It is Friday, but with my schedule, this is my Wednesday, so while others with more traditional schedules celebrate the coming weekend, I will be toiling away making sure they enjoy their leisure time and killing the beautiful day away inside a building. That is just all kinds of screwed up. I want to go outside and play!

In other news, I am adjusting once again to being single. I cannot say that I love it all the time, but there are moments and stretches where being solitary is its own reward. I note the time now and realize that I can't delve too much further into that thought but suffice it to say, there are benefits that I am realizing that help me adjust to life and space on my own. Having always been "with" most of my adult life, being "without" is still a rather new head space.

I miss my friends and guys from church. I was not able to attend our guys weekend camping and as I write this, my other group of friends are off in the wilderness camping as well, without me. Am I making the right choices here? I am not really sure but I have begun to resent the lien that this job has on my life. Each day I have to convince myself to not do something drastic, as I usually do, and keep toiling away until I know my best plan.

During the day, I usually think of amazing things to write about here and each time I find myself with a few moments to do so, they all evade me. Am I happy right now? What about the amazing adventures and people that I meet on the time off that I do have? How to capture the thoughts that just keep flitting away due to fatigue and business. Maybe it is time for a break. I really need to take a road trip and see my friend across the state. Too many questions, too few answers and don't even get me started on the whole gay marriage uproar that seems to be engulfing our country. I shall attempt to articulate about that at some later time, sans rant.

So there you have it. Another blase, desultory post about nothing much at all except I work too much. I am missing my life. I don't want to do my homework. Being single doesn't suck as much as I thought it would and I don't have time to write what I want. Whatever.

I'd rather be back on a bench in the park reading...maybe I will be and sooner than anyone thinks or imagines...

daemon

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

What really happened to Abe Lincoln

Guest Post: Liberty

Morning all.

My friend, Liberty, whom I consider a little brother, sent this note to many of us this morning expressing his feelings and position on the current inequities in this country as expressed by yesterday's vote in North Carolina to write discrimination directly into their state Constitution regarding LGBT marriage. I feel his words speak for himself greater than I ever could, so I share them here.

"I've been pretty silent about the whole gay marriage debate, and all gay issues for that matter, since coming out almost 9 years ago. Never really thought it was much of an issue for myself. But now that I am getting older, I am starting to see friends getting hitched with people they love and I cannot help but to stop and think that as of right now, that will never be me. 


I will never be able to share my life entirely with the person I love the same way that my parents did together. I cannot understand what the fuck is so wrong with two people of the same sex being together. We have celebrities who made the 5 hour marriage famous. We have married heterosexuals who constantly cheat behind each others backs. We have people who go through a dozen marriages in their lives. We can go to Vegas, spend 24 hours drinking heavily, drive through a building and get married while never leaving the car... and all of this... All of that bullshit that goes against the sanctity -the meat and potatoes- of marriage is completely legal if you are straight.


I want to live my life as I see fit. And I want to be happy and free to express my interests and my love with whomever I want. My parents named me Liberty because they loved their freedom to do whatever they wanted in this country. Their love for their freedom was and still is larger than life. Its pretty damn ironic that I can't do the same when they chose my name for that very reason.


And to think that I can't go a week without someone telling me that 'the only difference between hetero and homosexual marriage is who I sleep with'. To those that tell me that, go fuck yourself. Watch the video that I posted a short while ago and you will see why you are so embarrassingly incorrect. 







"But you chose to be gay. And because of that choice, you don't need to have gay marriage. just find a woman to love and enjoy life together." Yeah... I hear this one often as well. Do you really believe that someone with this supposed free will your 'God' granted all of us would choose to live a life full of dead ends and broken dreams? Did your 'God' not tell you to treat one another as you would want to be treated? I chose to be gay the same day you chose not to be. I didn't, however, choose the harassment, the beating I received or the discrimination in the job market. There was also no influence in my 'decision' to like men. I spent the first 12 years of my life going to private catholic and Jesuit schools where I was surrounded with the Christian beliefs that homosexuality is a sin. If anything, don't you think surroundings like these would have steered me clear of the gay train? Hell, for that matter, don't you at least think that I would have grown up to be a religious man? Well, I'm not. In fact, it is the very teachings I was taught in school that made me develop a total disgust in religion... Well, all but my own religion. 


I practice self religion. It's where I don't follow a God. I follow myself. I do what I believe to be right for me and for the people around me that I influence. I do not steal, I do not murder, and I love everyone no matter what race, creed or sex. If religion was not around tomorrow, guess what? Gay marriage wouldn't be an issue. I find it so damned funny when a Catholic tells me that their religion is being oppressed and yet, their religion single handedly banned gay marriage in 41 (or is it 42 now?) states. Yea, oppressed my ass. 


I am nobody special. Just like in the grand scheme of things, nobody on this planet is special. We are all human and we are all equal. I just don't quite understand why some people in our government think that 'life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness' only applies to some people during some circumstances. Its not like gay is a new trend that popped up overnight like the frozen yogurt craze. Gays have been around since the dawn of time. Hell, ancient Egyptians have homosexual acts depicted in their drawings. The only reason its becoming more and more of an issue is that people are feeling more and more safe about coming out about it. Just like equal rights for blacks and women became law, gay rights will too. Its just a matter of time. I just hope - and dream - that that time will be in my lifetime.


Liberty

Monday, May 7, 2012

Motto of the Day!

"From where I stand, the Sun is shining all over the place..."

Meh

I woke up this morning, went outside, and stood in the rain for a while. It felt good. Came inside, stripped down and crawled back into bed and curled up. Who am I kidding? Even on a rainy day off, I can't go back to sleep once I am up. Washed my face, started some coffee and came down to my office to read up on news, organize a few things that have been on my desk for a while and get my day off started.

Writing here this morning was not in the plan but I find myself doing it anyway. Lately, as more has been going on in my life, I find myself reluctant to share with others, both known and unknown. This might be due to the fact that with each passing day, I find myself understanding myself and my circumstances less and less. Without a firm grasp/control or comprehension on my reality, sharing seems a much more risky proposition and excursion. Why this is so, I am not sure? I usually plunge head long into verbal processing...

So I have rain today. Drove through an amazing storm yesterday evening on the way home from work. Sheets of blinding rain, hail, thunder and lightening, a real "gully washer" as my grandfather would say. While I was amped up on adrenaline and a bit scared, I have to say I enjoyed the experience. It was an adventure of sorts, the type that I have not had for a while in my more mundane existence as a civilian prone to responsibility. When did I become so predictable? The sunset of gold and rose was breathtaking. The skies split right at the horizon and during the downpour we had a spectacular light show with beauty, thunder and lightening. I have never seen anything quite like it in my days.

I am just going to stop writing right there, cause I don't need to keep rambling. I will come back when I actually have something to say or ask. I wonder why "off days" or so very different than a "day off"?

daemon

Friday, May 4, 2012

Thunderstorm

Words have been sorely lacking here lately, and not for want or lack of content in my daily life. I feel I have been overwhelmed by activity, thought, confusion and questions in such a way as to prevent any type of coherent writing or thought articulation.

I awoke this morning, moments before my alarm to gray cool light filtering into my bedroom and the familiar sounds of a Spring thunderstorm. I laid there for a bit and was simply content to be. No rushing thoughts or bewildering emotions, questions or ideas, just being. It was nice.

This weekend will be consumed by work. I find myself with free time in the oddest of places but in the midst of cooking for others and training new employees, the customary rhythm of others lives with more traditional schedules evade me. There are both positive and negative aspects to this which I have not yet come to fully appreciate. The nature of my work has placed me outside my friends life patterns and maybe for a season, this is exactly what I need.

Sleeping for over six hours always leaves me in a somewhat odd head space and it is from there I am trying to think and write. A summary of the past few weeks include time spent with friends, many long conversations, my first visit to a therapist to discuss some issues and much work and long hours. That really is all about I know or can share at the moment. Nothing earth shattering but much to think on and wonder about. I guess this is the place I find myself at the moment. A bit detached from it all is an adequate way of describing it.

I listen to the rain and I am happy. I like the light and sound it brings. Today will be a good day. For once, in a long while, I am feeling that it may all just be okay. Time tends to work these things out. Have a Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend. I will be over here cooking if you feel like dropping by. Peace.

daemon

Thursday, May 3, 2012