Warning: May contain Satire!

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

Lucas Faber has tried focusing on Godspell to keep the thought of tithing out of his mind.


LOUISVILLE, KY—At first glance, high school senior Lucas Faber, 18, seems like any ordinary gay teen. He's a member of his school's swing choir, enjoys shopping at the mall, and has sex with other males his age. But lately, a growing worry has begun to plague this young gay man. A gnawing feeling that, deep down, he may be a fundamentalist, right-wing Christian.

"I don't know what's happening to me," Faber admitted to reporters Monday. "It's like I get these weird urges sometimes, and suddenly I'm tempted to go behind my friends' backs and attend a mega-church service, or censor books in the school library in some way. Even just the thought of organizing a CD-burning turns me on."

Added Faber, "I feel so confused."

The openly gay teen, who came out to his parents at age 14 and has had a steady boyfriend for the past seven months, said he first began to suspect he might be different last year, when he started feeling an odd stirring within himself every time he passed a church. The more conservative the church, Faber claimed, the stronger his desire was to enter it.

"It's like I don't even know who I am anymore," the frightened teenager said. "Keeping this secret obsession with radical right-wing dogma hidden away from my parents, teachers, and schoolmates is tearing me apart."


According to Faber, his first experience with evangelical Christianity was not all that different from other gays his age.

"Sure, I looked at the Book of Leviticus once or twice—everybody has," Faber said. "We all experiment a little bit with that stuff when we're growing up. But I was just a kid. I didn't think it meant anything."

Faber's instinct was to deny these early emotions. But recently, the Louisville teen admitted, the feelings have grown stronger, making him wonder more and more what life as a born-again right-wing fundamentalist would be like.

"The other week, I was this close to picketing in front of an abortion clinic," the mortified teenager said, his eyes welling up with tears. "I know it's wrong, but I wanted so badly to do it anyway. I even made one of those signs with photos of dead fetuses and hid it in my closet. I felt so ashamed, yet, at the same time, it was all strangely titillating."

Faber's parents, although concerned, said they're convinced their otherwise typical gay son is merely going through a conservative Christian phase.

"I caught him watching The 700 Club once when he thought he was alone in the house, and last week, I found some paperbacks from the Left Behind series hidden in his sock drawer," his mother, Eileen Faber, said. "I'm sure he'll grow out of it, but even if he doesn't, I will love and accept my son no matter what."

Faber's father was far less tolerant in his comments.

"No son of mine is going to try to get intelligent design into school textbooks," Geoffrey Faber said. "And I absolutely refuse to pay his tuition if he decides to go to one of those colleges like Bob Jones University where they're just going to fill his head with a lot of crazy conservative ideas."

He added, "I just want my normal gay son back."






*reprinted from the Onion: January 12, 2010 | ISSUE 46•02

Scientist isolate gene...amazing!

Amazing weekend!

Sooo tired, but sooo happy! This weekend was freakin' awesome! Had a friend from CO in town that I haven's seen for about 6 months. We went to school together and grew up playing soccer and being idiots. Such a challenge and inspiration to me now that we are grown and learned much more of what is really going on.

Got to introduce him to my life friends and they all really clicked. So much happened that I will have to update on here, but in the morning.


I have to get some rest. Will put my thoughts together and jump on here in the morning to catch up and compose myself. Had so much going on, I don't even know where to start, so I won't!


Right now it's time to hit the shower, then snuggling up and sleeping. G'nite all!

Todays List...

Wow...I slept so hard and woke up the same way! Still trying to get my eyes open and make this brain start working. Yawns split my face and I am cranking up the tunes. Time to get to dancing!

To Do:

1.Pee
2.Stretch out and run
3. Shower
4. Make bed
5. Get dressed
6. Wash car and get top off
7. Coffee shop
8. Read book
9. Buy music
10. Call Chris
11.Lake
12 Eat lunch
13. Figure tonight out!

That is about all I can think of and handle this morning. Don't have to do them in that order I guess, but that is what pops to mind. Not sure what I am hungry for either, but it is a beautiful day and I am going to love it and get some sun!

Hope to get back here tonight at some point to continue writing about my Dad. Hope you all have an awesome day, a smile on your face and something beautiful to enjoy.

Pax!

My Dad: Hero, Inspiration, Best Friend.

You know, I never really bought into that whole "theory" about gay guys being estranged or somehow disconnected from their fathers. Educated "christian" (note lower case) people say I lacked a male role model, or that my father was emotionally distant, unavailable, absent, not present. And due to this and an over bearing Mom, somehow I ended up homosexual...

So much bullshit in my humble opinion. :)

While this may be the truth in their selective case study, or possible in other gay guys lives, it certainly doesn't ring true for me. But I am not here to delve into the depths of foundations and explanations for my sexual orientation, I am here to talk about my Dad.

This last weekend found Dad and I headed back up to Des Moines, IA for the annual Good Guys Car Show held at the State Fair grounds each Fourth of July weekend. What started as a fun trip one summer has now turned into a tradition for us two guys. We pretty much drop whatever we have going on in our lives, meet up in Kansas City and make the pilgrimage to this Mecca of Hot rods each and every year. I have only missed the years that the Navy took me around the world. It is something we look forward to each year. No Mom, no brothers, so sister, no boyfriend...just him and I, palling around and checking out the rolling iron, getting ideas, showing our cars, talking to new and old friends and just being men in the company of men.

This year was an amazing time, as always, but was especially poignant as my Dad begins to grow older and I come into my own as a man now. The experiences that we have both been through, socially, spiritually, emotionally, physically, relationally has brought us even closer together and we share a common bond that my other siblings are missing. As each year passes, I begin to realize that I am truly my Father's son. One of the reasons for all the conflict and angst I endured while growing up, was due to the simple fact that we are SO much alike.

Of course, my Mom always told us this, but we protested to high heaven that there is NO WAY that I am like THAT guy! It is funny now to look back and see how much our lives are truly in parallel and synced up. Life is weird like that I suppose?


I am writing this as I try to upload car shows pics to my FB, eat a chicken pot pie and mashed potatoes while downloading some new music that I will need for my lake drive tomorrow. Sorry, if it seems a bit disjointed at times, I am doing my best!

There is one picture I wish I had on my computer, but it only exists in a picture album of my youth, assembled by my Mom that spans from my birth to age 18. She snapped it when I was around 5 or 6 years old and it shows my Dad reclined in his leather easy chair in his den and sprawled face down on top of him, like a little meat blanket, is me...fast asleep. My Dad had a bemused expression on his face, but his big arms were wrapped tight around my little shoulders. Nothing on but my undies, but completely at peace in my Dads space, knowing that I am safe, loved, wanted and known.

It is this picture that often comes to mind whenever I doubt his love, miss him greatly over the miles or just question what our relationship is really all about.

He loves me.

Period.

He was born in an era of rough times. WWII was still raging when he was a child and he grew up in horrible and harsh circumstances. His father left the family when he was young, and he spent many years bouncing from relative to relative, from inner city to farm, looking for a place to call his own and possibly his next meal. His mother worked her whole life, right up until she died to try to provide for her three sons, a daughter and herself...but it was the '40's and '50's and what little she did make, never went very far. He was born at home, in an upstairs bedroom in the heat of June and walked into a world that cared not if he lived or died. So many stories I have listened to, through his shaking and tears, about his childhood and the hardships of near starvation, the abuse on so many fronts and the struggle he had to simply stay alive. I do not know all of the details, but from the few pictures and many late night talks, I am able to grasp a picture of the boy my Dad used to be.

It is not an easy picture to look at.

He loved music and played guitar and trumpet. He ran track and played football in High School. His first love was cars and in order to have one to drive, him and his friends built them from whatever hulks they could afford and a ready supply of parts from dubious sources. His Dad preferred his brothers and bought them the best of all he could afford, while my father was left to his own devices. He grew up in Hell's Kitchen and ran with a rough crowd of Italians just to survive. He was the lone white kid in a predominantly black neighborhood, was friends with everyone he met, and as a consequence was despised and hated by many. He managed to graduate High School, but without much of an education and seriously considered joining the Navy for a place to sleep and eat.

Fortunately, the day before he was to report to the station, he found a job at a local grocer in the City Market and said goodbye to his friend, who went on to serve 30 years in the military. That small job he found certainly changed the course of his life. His love for music was strong and he started performing in the Kansas City jazz scene that was booming at this time. Swing and Big Band were flourishing and my Dad was looking forward to a future in the new digs and opportunities that were opening up.

Some gang fights and poor choices later and that dream was ruined. He lost all of his teeth to a lead pipe defending his friends and turf. There went the trumpet. A knife took away much of the dexterity in his skilled left hand. There went the guitar.

He was left without a dream, headed no where fast...all at the age of 19.

A picture of him from this time is etched into my mind. Tall and slim, buzzed flat top, dressed in dark denim jeans and a white tee, posing with his 1959 Black MG at the Meyer Fountain on Ward Parkway. Reminds me of someone else I know... :)

Dejected, hurt, broken hearted, depressed and with no skills and education, he was sure that he was headed for the life of a bum, besotted in the gutter...waiting and wanting to die.

And then...




He met a girl...my Mom!






To be continued...

Weird

What an odd day. Eyes open and awake at 4 am for some reason. Shook my body loose and started my day with a kind of grainy view of reality. As if the lighting director had it all wrong and the film wasn't loaded quite correctly. I could tell the blocking was a bit off, cause I kept running into doorways, but not in the I got hurt sort of way, just those brushing passes that feel your shoulders and toes up a bit.

Got my errands ran and came home for a while and found myself lying down, reading a favorite book from childhood, A Wrinkle In Time, and then suddenly, right after Mrs. Who transmogrified in from of the children, I slipped off to sleep. Just woke up and everything is still a bit off. Not sure if I am tired, or cranky, or hungry, or what...

Eh, who cares?!

Got so much pent up in my head it won't come out at the moment. Been studying out what I really believe and how to live it out. Considering big and small decisions. Helping friends when I don't feel I have any answers myself. Trying to live right and still managing to fail miserably, at least that is how it feels to me.

There has got to be more than this! I am tired of fighting, of arguing, of debating, of flexing, of hoping, of defending, of being attacked, of resisting, of educating, of conversing and of crying. And this is all prompted and engaged in with the very guys who call themselves my friends and say they love me!

Screw it, I can't write right now. I want to come back later and talk about my Dad. Peace...

I am so blessed!

Up early!

Slept hard and deeply to the sweet tapping sounds of summer rain and my "taking a little nap" turned into being knocked out for about 10 straight hours! Man, I must have been tired? Now awake before the dawn and getting things in order for my assault on this day. So much to do, but I am confident it will get done.

Spent a bit of time outside, simply sitting and looking. I enjoy waking up to life by spending some moments in contemplation, looking out at the water, observing the animals scampering about and generally taking it all in as my eyes widen and mind sharpens. Kind of brings a bit of peace and clarity to me before the craziness of life starts in earnest.

This morning two drops of rain fell off a friendly tree onto the smooth back of my hand and the simple way that the dim light caught them turned them into liquid gold, sitting, trembling there on my skin. I sat quietly until they had both dried, and then went inside.

Hmm...need to get the coffee going, then get cleaned up. I feel pretty grungy since I did not shave yesterday. That is odd for me, but just didn't feel like it. I don't mind stubble on another guy, but on me...not so much. It feels and looks like dirt on my face, plus its pretty rough and scratchy, easy to chap skin and burn lips. Don't ask me how I know...LOL Not sure what I want to wear today. Could use some emotional armor is how I feel. Whenever I feel a bit insecure or unsure of myself, I like to dress up a bit more in order to at least appear composed. Is that strange? Think of it as textile compensation.


The AC is keeping the house nice and cool and the sound of it cycling on and off is soothing and comforting to me. Have not turned on many lights and the low darkness seems to call me back to bed, but my mind is fully awake now. I like padding around in bare feet in the cool and the dim. My eyes adjust to the shadows and everything seems peaceful as morning comes. The stone and wood is soothing to my skin, my eyes pick out the things I need without a care to the specific detail. It really makes me wonder why I must always have so much light? I like these pleasant places, this space I have made for myself. I call it home.

Not looking forward to my shots this morning, but they are a must for school. I used to have a huge phobia of needles, well, still kind of do, but have learned not to shriek and curl myself into a wailing, rocking ball, now that I am an adult, sort of. Then it is coffee shop time to write and listen to music and then over to get my test results. Not panicking yet, and prolly won't. Peace comes to me, either through self delusion, or the prayers of others.

Psalm 139 is amazing.



This song lately...wow! Listen to it, if you dare...if you want something more.

Odd mood...introspection?

Woke up this morning all out of sorts. Had a great day yesterday. I feel like writing about all the stuff that is on my mind, but it is not assembling itself coherently at all, so I think I will just list 'em and ramble on about it. Sounds good to me?

Summer time and the Lake

I am back and forth from the city pretty often for family, church, friends and junk I have to do, but cannot say that it is going as I planned in my head. Made some friends down there, some good, others not so much. That environment kind of lends itself to partying and drinking daily and truth be told, all that wears on me and gets really old. Those are the things I used to enjoy before I met God and now it bugs me and makes me feel bad. I don't have a problem with enjoying a good beer and friends, but some of these guys drink like a fish every night and then it all just goes crazy. I was hoping for some alone time to reflect on my life so far, make some plans and enjoy the quiet spaces, but that is getting harder to come by. Work, of course, is a lot of fun given the fact I love my co-workers and the owner is a great friend, but eh...mixed reviews in the situations it puts me in at times. I think I need to set some boundaries with my friends there and let them know I am not available 24/7. Also need to ditch the all the condoms and lube, since that makes it way to easy and convenient to screw up. Well, maybe not the lube...that comes in handy! That just kind of hangs over my head, though. So yeah, more space and less partying.


School

So I am going to culinary school, enrolled, accepted, what not...but it going to entail much time apart from my friends, family and boyfriend. Not so sure I am liking that idea, but I also have a peace that this IS the right decision in life right now. I am excited that I finally get to live out this dream, but it is also kind of scary too? The school that I chose is actually a private faith based school and man, do they have a lot of rules. Even more so than the school I attended growing up. They take a pretty dim view on the whole gay sex thing, but do not discriminate based on orientation. I don't know how I am going to fit in there, since most of the guys are prolly conservative yuppies. At least that is the worst case scenario I have in my head too. Also, I can't drink while I am a student, but that is a small sacrifice. The problem I have is the school jurisdiction, as far as the Honor Code applies, states that it extends from acceptance to graduation. Can I really commit to NOT being physically expressive with Michael or any one else for that length of time? Is that fair to me? Is that fair to him? I dunno about all that...but my only other option is to lie, and I don't feel comfortable with that either. Lose, lose situation right there. I won't commit to something I cannot fulfill. It is almost like the Navy all over again, but at least DADT wasn't strictly enforced in the unit I served with. It is all volunteer and all male, so made it much easier. Hmmm...I am going to have to give this some serious thought, because I do not take promises or honor lightly.

Church

I love my church, I really do. I met God and came to my faith through the witness and ministry of the awesome people there, but lately, I do not feel like I am growing as I should. Not being challenged and discipled like I feel that I need. Everyone seems to be doing their own thing and it is easy to slip through the cracks except with my closest friends. I need to talk to David my pastor about this and see what he thinks. I am getting more involved now and everyone is so amazing, so accepting and loving, but I also need to be spiritually fed more. This is all still really new to me, so maybe it is just going to take time. I do not want to have to leave and find a new church.

Eh...that is enough rambling for now. I need to get some coffee and go for a drive to clear my head. I hate days when I have absolutely nothing planned. I end up wasting time and getting into trouble. For some reason, porn has been dragging me down all the time. Not sure if that is because I am not having sex as much or what? My pastor challenged me to NOT have sex for 30 days, and that is feasible, but there is no way I would want to not jack off for 30 days. I went for a few days once in the hospital and thought I was going to die. Maybe my next post will be about sex and stuff. I am really confused about what God thinks about all of that. Might make a good study?

Anyway...I am off, for a bit!

Peace

Morning of the Fourth

Gray dawn, bit of fog and mist, for some reason I am loving it. Brain not awake yet, reading up on my friends blog. Inspired by his sentiments that I am a first class taxpayer and 3rd class citizen. Davey, you are one amazing guy, ya know?

My friend Davey's Awesome Blog

Soon to clean up and head out, might buzz my hair again. Body is waking up, slept so hard. Why do I keep writing in fragments. My English teacher, prolly appalled. Very full day.

Coffee and writing, church and friends, lunch with fam, then BBQ and party. Michael gets home (can't control excitement to see him) and then who knows...

But there will be fireworks! :)

Happy Independence Day to you All!

Interesting thoughts...

"I think that we have in recent years entered a 'New Dark Age' in the Western world. It is marked by the rise of religious systems that seek to build security by encouraging prejudice against a designated victim. Both evangelical fundamentalism and the kind of ultra-conservative Roman Catholicism that is at present installed in the Vatican are publicly defined by their visceral and uninformed hostility toward homosexual persons. What the heretic was in the Middle Ages, the black in the days of slavery and segregation, and the Jew in Nazi Germany, the homosexual has become in the religious hysteria of our day. This kind of behavior is always a response to fear and to a rapidly changing world. Security-providing religion, which always requires a victim, is like a drug that carries us over the rough places of life. It is certainly not the wave of the Christian future....Beyond that I think we ought to recognize that truth and unity cannot ever be built on identifying a victim that creates the illusion of unity because there is a common enemy. When these institutions say that God hates the same things that the worshiper hates, everyone should be very suspicious.

Dark Ages do not last forever. Ten years from now this phase of our religious history will surely be over. The contemporary scientific and medical data that suggests that homosexuality is a perfectly normal but minority aspect of our humanity, that it is a given and not a chosen aspect of life, will have challenged these prejudices so deeply as to make them seem not only quaint but ignorant. Remember that less than one hundred years ago we were still persecuting left-handed people as evil, deviant and unnatural. In the meantime I share your enormous embarrassment that the Christian church is today the major voice in the Western World in the persecution of those members of our society whose only 'sin' is that they were born with a sexual orientation different from the majority. Someday we will be terribly ashamed of the Christian leaders in our generation."

John S. Spong