Saturday, February 11, 2012

And now for something completely different...

This morning is the coldest day of winter to date. The current temperature as I sit here writing, looking at the waning moon is an arctic 7 degrees. I am grateful that the predicted snow has not fallen and today is to be sunny and clear. I went to bed rather early last night and so find myself awake, starting my day at 4 am. I have many things on my mind, as I have had lately and hope to find a bit of space to jot them down.

Changes in my life. I felt I needed to write that in order to keep my rambling on track. I go through different cycles in time where my life radically changes in somewhat unpredictable ways, that can often leave my friends and family somewhat confused. For instance, since the start of this year, I have changed churches (back to Jacob's Well), lost a relationship but kept a friend (Michael), left my job (Chef at Marriott), enrolled in college (Culinary Program), possibly found a new job (Chef for Cerner), met an amazing new boyfriend (Brian) and generally changed most everything about my daily schedule and life.

It sounds crazy to some people, I realize that, but this type of shift and upheaval is rather common in my life after a few years. I do not experience some sense of timing or click that it is going to happen, but at least I recognize it when it starts to occur. Life kind of happens so I roll with it. These patterns and cycles used to be accompanied by a storm of emotions and confusion on my part, but after so many different shifts over the years, I've rather grown accustomed to them and do my best to usher in the new chapter with little fanfare or turmoil, not just for myself, but for the friends and family I share life with. Those that love me and know me well enough that it occurs and my calm demeanor through out the cycles end and beginning helps them maintain their own bearings.

So, yeah, really about the only thing I haven't changed was home and my car, though in the past, sometimes that flip happens too. I have moved on a whim and sometimes pick out a new vehicle to just shake it all up, but I am rather content and happy with those as they sit. They suit me, I believe.

How do I feel about it all? Well, it was like coming home (which in a way it was) going back to Jacobs Well for church. I had left/drifted away for a time while Tim was in New Zealand as I was having a hard time tracking with the different individuals who would come and teach each week. The focus and content wasn't there and I felt a bit separated and disjointed from my community. Tim is back and I have reconnected with many of my friends and family there and have a simple and settled peace that it is where I am to be.

As far as my relationship with Michael ending, it was a matter of time. He went through some incredibly hard times at the end of last year and I was there for him each and every step of the way. I love him and a part of me always will, but after some heart wrenching honest communication, it became apparent that he was becoming more and more emotionally and physically unavailable, for reasons beyond my control. We are still good friends and share time but a future together as was envisioned and planned is not the healthiest, viable option for us both as guys.

Leaving my job at Marriott was a simple choice. I loved my work (the actual cooking, planning and events) but was beginning to detest the hours (3 am each morning for 5 days a week, plus weekend evenings) and the lack of advancement opportunity and options. I also was sexually harassed on the job by a subordinate and was too embarrassed and confused to report it. The guy, a friend of mine so I thought, wanted a physical relationship with me and could not seem to understand that my no meant no, so one morning I woke up and in the shower realized that it was no longer the place for me. I gave my notice and have not looked back. It was the right decision.

I have enrolled in school at University here for their Culinary Program to actually start my formal training as a Chef. I could not be more excited and it looks as though with my scholarships, Navy GI Bill and the Navy College Fund, I will have no out of pocket expenses for the duration of the program. Now that is something I can cheer about!

As far as the new job at Cerner, I have had my final interview with the head of HR and the Executive Chef this past week and my information is being processed in New York for the clearances needed to cook at their world headquarters. They design the medical keeping software used by hospitals all over the world and I hope to be working with their Chefs serving and cooking for the national and international business clients. Excited...yes, please! It is a matter of getting final approval and a new path will be found to my endgame.

So that kind of wraps it up at the moment...guess it is time to start my day. Going to go meet Tom at Beer Kitchen this morning for some breakfast. He is one of my pastors at church and it is high time we downloaded some new information at each other. He helps me think and is a great sounding board on life issues, especially about love, dating, sex and guy stuff. Well, going to hop in the shower and make some coffee. I hope this post answered more questions that it raised! Ciao!



  1. "Coldest day of the year."

    Such a big "Grrrl."


  2. I might just send a mail to pastor Tim, so much easier to ask a question half a world away than on your own doorstep.

    Great work, keep them coming!


  3. Thanks for the comment, Steve, though unsure exactly what insight Tim might have for you. He is an amazing guy and certainly helped me understand different milestones and questions I have had on my own continuing spiritual journey. Peace on ya!