Saturday, December 8, 2012


There is certainly not enough time in three minutes to place here what I am feeling but a small update is in order, even for myself. Friday was an incredibly hard day. In the short span of twenty four hours, I said goodbye to my ex-boyfriend and close friend Nicky who was moving to Colorado. I had processed through this while helping him pack and move over the last month, but it was still so very hard to know he won't be just a phone call or short drive away.

It was also the one year anniversary of Michael's attempted suicide and the aftermath and fall out of all those events. He has weighed heavily on my mind the last few months.

I went to hang out with friends and learned that my friend, David, passed away suddenly. Young, beautiful, intelligent, full of life and love. His boyfriend found him on the floor of the kitchen in their new home. He was simply gone.

To top it off, while we were all spending time together, Brian showed up. I was not prepared to see his face or talk to him, especially given the day's events. I put a brave smile on and soldiered through and then left for home early.

It has been a quiet few days. I am off to work and hope to lose myself in the business of it all. The fake smile and cheerful tone I force hurts my face and my heart, but I never give up. I never quit. Life goes on and I will not succumb to the pain I carry and feel in my heart about so many things.

Life is amazing. We are all connected and tied to the people we build our lives around. I believe that is what makes saying goodbye so very, very hard. I am off for now. Think of me. Love those around you. Never take one moment for granted.



  1. It always hurts to lose a loved one. What you described is exactly how I felt for months after my grandma died last year. That was so unexpected and so hard to get through. You have my deepest sympathies, best wishes, and prayers.

  2. Losing people to distance, circumstances or the inevitable is always harsh, but it is especially so when it all happens in close succession. I read your most recent post before I read this one, so I know that you're strong enough to not wallow (which really is a blessing).

    I'm very sorry to hear about your friend's passing – I can't imagine how his boyfriend and parents must feel. Wishing you all strength. One thing that death does is remind us to appreciate the people in our lives. My close friend's dad passed away a couple of months ago – it shook me up and now I keep wondering how long I have with my loved ones. But tragedies such as this help remind us to be better people and kinder to our families and friends.

    I'm glad that you're taking things one day at a time. The good thing about life is that after every low there's a high lingering around the corner. I admire your fortitude and outlook on life, and hope that you always maintain them. Wishing you the best and thinking of you.