Friday, January 7, 2011
On the Fly!
The problems and frustrations that I am experiencing in my little life right now that pertain to church, God, relationships with others, materialism and sex have more to do with myself than the outside influences around me. There is a problem inside of me and I think it has its roots in pride and selfishness.
I have been living for me, while something inside of me knows, by instinct, that this is wrong or at least skewed.
Church and what they are teaching there is not the problem. My lack of prayer, daily Bible reading, dis-interest in fellowship with other believers, compromise in personal choices all add up to responsibilities that I have been shirking and then blaming others for the ultimate consequences and fall out. It is a childish position on my part and smacks of a victim mentality that I abhor in others.
Funny that. The very things that often bother us in other people are the very things that we can spot easily since the traces and clues of their existence lie with in our own selves.
I really do have to fly out the door to work now. I am showered, fed, coffeed (if that is a word) and at least got my game face on and my nutz emptied for a long double shift at the restaurant. I will continue with these thoughts later and hope to get back on the right track mentally and spiritually by my birthday, which is fast approaching.
While these observations are troubling to me, I am glad to have at least a point plotted on the chart of where I am versus where I would like to be. Not so much where I am, but who I am. I have much to think on today. As long as nothing amazing (read cute guy) crosses my path before these circumstances are rectified (as they were not prior to Michael) then possibly this year still has the chance of starting out on the right foot, after wasting soooo much time and money on myself this last year.
Okay...got to dash. Love you all and covet some prayers, if that is your thing.