Where I stand...

Thinking and praying for John Raux

Moving Mountains : by John Raux

http://johnraux.com/

Anxious and upset...

Do you ever tell yourself stories about how you interpret events, that in and of themselves seem innocuous and of no import? Stringing things together that add up to some weird, horrible outcome, even when you don't have any facts that seem to point in that direction. And then after coming to that conclusion, simmer in it and worry, instead of confronting the issue head on and challenging your "story" to a comparison with reality?

I do this.

Maybe it is a deep seated insecurity, or some kind of mind game that happens, but when I have no information at all, I start creating these alternate realities that are never good. They just bring stress, confusion and fear into my life. It is like "what if" meets "it is". And I believe them.

I have been doing this the last few days about something.

There is no reason for concern or alarm, but I am still freaking out! It has got to the point where I am going to either have to confront it and look a fool, or simply let it pass out of my mind and operate from a calm and centered place. The not knowing is killing me, and I am worried that I have done some harm to friendships that I am not even aware of.

Why do I do this?

Where does it come from?

Why is it so hard to just figure it out and move on?

I hate the unknown, the grey area, the non-communication.

It is probably nothing...or it is something very, horribly, unrepairably wrong. Either a non-issue and good, or all together completely jacked up. And if there is a problem...it is all my fault.

Peace

I don't have much to say tonight. The day was great. Had some awesome time driving around, listening to worship music, talking to my myself and God. Met some cool new people at the coffee shop too. Writers, artists, ballet dancers, homeless kids...all of 'em.

A friend sent me that message below from Gateway this morning and I reflected on it all day long. My church (www.jacobswellchurch.org) is full of Gods love and accepting of everyone that comes into our community. We are called to minister as a people to the fringe, to making the outsider into the insider. The gospel is for the whole world, not just a select few.

I know that certainly happened in my case. I was the worst, and they loved me, told me to come as I am, and let Jesus do the changing and cleaning. I was never given a list of thou shalt or shalt not, but was encouraged to pray, read the Bible, seek Gods face in my decisions. It is amazing how God works like that.

There is a peace in my life tonight, a calm and rested feeling that comes from being in Gods will, as scary as it may be right now. I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.

I reflected on this prayer today as I sat outside. I picked it up from a friend who is at a monastary right now.

Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am.
Be still and know.
Be still.
Be.

Peace to you all.