Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Anxious and upset...

Do you ever tell yourself stories about how you interpret events, that in and of themselves seem innocuous and of no import? Stringing things together that add up to some weird, horrible outcome, even when you don't have any facts that seem to point in that direction. And then after coming to that conclusion, simmer in it and worry, instead of confronting the issue head on and challenging your "story" to a comparison with reality?

I do this.

Maybe it is a deep seated insecurity, or some kind of mind game that happens, but when I have no information at all, I start creating these alternate realities that are never good. They just bring stress, confusion and fear into my life. It is like "what if" meets "it is". And I believe them.

I have been doing this the last few days about something.

There is no reason for concern or alarm, but I am still freaking out! It has got to the point where I am going to either have to confront it and look a fool, or simply let it pass out of my mind and operate from a calm and centered place. The not knowing is killing me, and I am worried that I have done some harm to friendships that I am not even aware of.

Why do I do this?

Where does it come from?

Why is it so hard to just figure it out and move on?

I hate the unknown, the grey area, the non-communication.

It is probably nothing...or it is something very, horribly, unrepairably wrong. Either a non-issue and good, or all together completely jacked up. And if there is a is all my fault.

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