Thursday, December 23, 2010
Final preparation and time to think
The final touches have been added to the tree and decorations. The gifts, as they are being wrapped, are starting to pile up under the tree. Christmas music is in the air along with the scents of all the baking I am doing. Somewhere in all this codeine induced haze, the Holiday Spirit is finally finding me. Cookies are just out of the oven, soon it will be time to start on my secret recipe fudge, everything is prepped for the pies and cakes. In each room, the warm scent of cinnamon, nutmeg and happy fills the air. A few candles lit were just enough to get me going this morning and I know this weekend is going to be a great success with family and friends, no matter how I might be feeling! I am soooooo excited!
Being sick gives you time to think. Those extra hours in bed, in that in between spot of awake and asleep, all kinds of thoughts and memories start swirling around. As I laid there this morning, struggling to come to the surface, I was struck once again about all I have to be thankful and grateful for. My family, the friends I count dear and all the numbers of people that make my life so rich and amazing. Who ever would have thought it would have turned out this well?
A bitter sweet kind of nostalgia ran across my mind as I thought back on the Winter Solstice and Lunar Eclipse of the other night. It seemed a fitting closure in my mind to my relationship with Michael. That was our anniversary and this holiday will not be spent together this year. So many "hoped for's" about the future that did not come to pass, but also many great memories and lessons learned about myself and daring to share life with another. I do not know what this year holds for me as a single guy, but I am okay with that, I think? My mom must have asked me ten times if "someone" would be coming with me for Christmas Dinner and I kept reassuring her, "No, Mom...it is just me this year." She always wants to make sure she has gifts for anyone who happens to join us and also knows how unpredictable I can be, especially around the holidays. She told me she would be ready for "him" just in case, you know. I think I get my eternal optimism from her. Hope springs eternal in matters of love and heart. I am ready for "him" too, or at least more ready than I was a few months ago. *Sigh*
This is truly my favorite time of the year. Lights everywhere, smiles on faces, shoppers bustling about and inside of each and every person is that little kid who just can't wait for Christmas. I think it brings out the very best in each of us, this holiday we celebrate in our own ways. My heart goes out to those who have no one to share with and my family each year makes a special point to bring Christmas to another family who is in need. Gifts for the children and parents, food for the pantry and a Holiday Dinner, something for each one we know that would do without. This tradition started years ago when I was a kid and has become more special for us each year. It is now more of a focus for us than our own Christmas together. It is a time when we come together to share with others what we have been so richly blessed with. The smiles on faces and tears in all of our eyes make some of the simple sacrifices worth it all.
I have to get back down to the kitchen now, but wanted to just put a few thoughts down as I went this year. My thoughts are turning back to home and I am so happy to be able to share this time with my Dad and Mom, sister and brother and all the friends we make our family. I love each and everyone of you.