Friday, April 15, 2011
Death of a friend
We get together now and again and no longer have anything to say. It is not a comfortable silence, but rather an odd space where I tend to wonder what I am doing hanging out with this guy anymore? Who we used to be and who we are now is so different. At least, I know I have changed.
Has this ever happened to any of you? Where close friends fade and somewhere in the space and time of our lives we never really learn to let go and keep following our patterns till it finally becomes obvious to at least one of us that this is no longer working and you really have no desire to invest any more energy in the relationship?
What do I do now? Is this apparent to him or is he still stuck at that place where he feels this is a productive and healthy friendship? Do I say something? Do I just fade away and become less a presence?
This has happened before to me, so it is not a new situation. I think it happens to us all more than we would like to admit. People change, interests find new directions and shapes, people become less of who they were and more of who they are. As this occurs what drew us together as people in the first place can be lost at times. I am sure this has happened in different dating relationships I have had, whether serious and long term, or short term fun flings. I can't say I have ever had a bad breakup. I am friends and on good speaking terms with all my exboyfriends and past partners. Sometime we know when things are ending, other times it just happens. Time moves us all.
But what is the etiquette with a friend? Especially with a friend of so many years? We have helped each other, in many ways, write the story or at least different chapters of our lives. We have been around, near and with each other ever since I moved back to the Midwest. I think it is time to move on.
I know, kind of random I guess, but it came to me yesterday afternoon while we were hanging out like we do often, that I no longer know this guy.
And I am okay with that.