Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Tired of being "nice".

Yeah...I said it. I am tired of being nice. Of being politically correct. Of being a sensitive male that is in tune with others emotions and careful to not offend. This idea that I need to be some smiling jack wagon all the time is beginning to irk me. It has not always been so.

I didn't have to be "nice" in school, or while growing up. I was a boy and my words and actions were always fixed under the umbrella thought of "boys will be boys". People realized that I probably didn't "know better" and was just speaking my mind in the blunt way that guys often do. I grew up saying what I thought and doing what I meant.

Then came adulthood, but it was not a "normal" one as far as socialization goes. I kept to my circle of friends and family while studying in college and then entered a world of men in the Navy. We didn't have many civilizing influences and were prone to blunt communication and calling it like we saw it. If someone sucked or was a dick, we could tell him as much, point out the flaws and continue on as friends. This helped check me many times and taught me to be less selfish and to consider others view points, knowing that I would be held accountable for my words and actions by others who had more life experience and differing perceptions other than my own. It popped by bubble and made me grow.

Coming back to the civilian world has had it's ups and downs, to say the least. I am not sure if I have really acclimated myself to the false fronts and facades that "nice" people seem to adopt. They couch their opinions and ideas in carefully chosen words that are meant to be palatable to all and in the doing so, lose all their inherent message and unique power. People seem more intent on getting along with others than they are expressing what they truly feel and mean. It is all kind of a melange of watered down half truths and people tip-toeing among others in order to fit in and be well received.

No one wants to be the bad guy and speak the truth.(or at least what they see as truth) When did an honest opinion become such a bad thing? When did someone getting offended suddenly become a capital offense? Where did all these nutless, gutless men come from? When did it become a horrible idea to call someone out on their bullshit, real or perceived?

I am far from perfect. I have went along with the flow. I have let my ideas and thoughts to become massaged by popular opinion and concepts and in doing say have stopped asking the questions that trouble me. I have neglected to pose the puzzles that have me in fits at times and failed to open up some honest dialogue about so many things that I currently have no answers for.

Much of the problem lies with myself. I have conceded victory or at least silence to those who think that there are no absolutes. I have rolled over and shut up when it seemed to require more energy to buck the status quo. I have put a smile on my face, nodded and bit my tongue when those who jabber nonsense at others seem to hold the stage. I am tired of just getting by and getting along.

I am not looking for controversy to add some spice to my life. I think we all wrestle with real issues as guys. What is success? What makes up happy? What is love all about? Why do we believe what we believe? How to manage it all at one time? What do we want? Who are we really? Endless questions that just get stuffed under a mask of, "Sure, things are going good, I'm fine".

Things are not fine. I do not have answers. I am tired of keeping my mouth shut. I'd like to find some answers. I would like others to speak their mind, ESPECIALLY if they disagree with me. I have been surrounded by "Yes Men" for too long. I am tired of being nice. I think a fluffed and buffed pretty boy physically, mentally and spiritually who makes no waves is nothing except a ship that is scared of the storms.

The boat was made to leave the dock. Set sail. It is in the storms that we find what we are made of.

Jesus wasn't a nice guy.

He was love.

There is a difference.


  1. Good post, Damon. Jesus was indeed not always a nice guy, but He was compassionate, even when He delivered hard truths.

    As you said, we need to clearly speak the truth, or at least what we see as the truth. It may not always line up with what the listener wants to hear, but it is our chance and we should take it.

    It's okay to be nice; it's okay to be fine. But, sometimes it's not okay to be either of those fine four-letter Christian words.

    I'm glad you speak up. I hope you will be as direct with yourself as with others.

    God Bless,


  2. Thanks Thom. Today kicked butt! Some amazing conversations were had with good friends over breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'll be posting later what I have been mulling over.

    Needless to say, I stopped listening to myself and the few simple things I knew to be true and kind of wandered away from the bearing I had charted in times past. Simply looking at prior entries here on my blog verifies that.