Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Heart of Darkness: The Church

I am horribly upset. I am incredibly sick. I am beside myself with worry and anxiety. My guts are in knots and churning inside me. I have a burning fury and pounding anger that threatens to blow over me and steal my very reason and mind. Nothing right now is calming me down and it is all becoming so much more than I can bear.

When are these people going to leave us alone? When will the hate filled individuals who beat us, spit on us, despise us  and fight against our very right to exist be silenced or at least placed into a position to grudgingly acknowledge that we are humans too? I am a person. I did not choose to be gay anymore than they may have chosen to have brown hair. I did not ask for this but I would not give up who I am or bend a knee to anyone who calls me evil and wrong.

I cannot read of another hate crime. My heart cannot take the thought of one more young person ending their lives over the words and actions of the family and friends who profess to love them but believe in a God who calls for the destruction, eradication, suppression and persecution of another human due to our inborn, innate and created differences.

It is too much. I do not even have the words to shout out the horror in my heart, the pain in my soul and the bewildering confusion of my own experiences over the years, all for the sake of whom I love and who loves me. When will it end? When will kids stop beating other kids to death for being gay? When will gay kids stop killing themselves over what other people believe and the abuse they suffer? When will we as a country of citizens stand up and declare what is truly unjust and evil? Where does my freedom begin and  their discrimination end? Is the freedom to hate and persecute a civil liberty?

Why do they hate me? Why do they hate us? How can they live this way and continue to sleep at night? Religious leader upon religious person calls for our deaths, for us to be placed in camps to die out and state after state band together by vote to ensure that our marriages and relationships are never recognized by the very country we call home and love. We serve our country.  We pay our taxes. I have served my country. I am a citizen. I am a man. I am gay. I am a person. I matter.

Where will it stop? Is it really getting better? This fight does not seem to be getting any better and the violence seems to be escalating. Polls and surveys keep telling me that most Americans are okay with gay marriage but I don't see that or feel that. I talk to friends who are scared of being kicked out of their homes for dating someone they like, just cause that someone is a guy like them. They worry that they will lose their parents love and rightfully so! These same "God fearing" religious parents who profess to love God and their kids are the very one who spew hate, rage and disgust at the LGBT community and have no idea the damage they are doing to their own kids. It is abuse and violence, plain and simple.

Does it get better? I am not sure if it does.

I do see ONE common theme in the hate, discrimination, persecution, abuse, murder and death that is hurled at gay people like me...

Religion. A belief in God. The Bible. The CHURCH.

They and the people who follow them are at the crux of every word hurled, each curse screamed, every punch and kick thrown, every suicide, every beating and every murder. All of the blood is on their hands and on the people who sit in their pews either affirming, agreeing with or remaining silent while hate is taught to each new generation. All in God's name. 

Those who do not act to make a difference are guilty of all of the same. By their silence and inaction they approve. They couch their messages in "love" and "concern" and speak of "change" but their message comes through loud and clear. "Don't be gay or God will burn you with fire. Stop choosing to be gay. can be gay, just don't ever do anything gay. Stay single and sacrifice your life to our God. Sorry about that, but family, love, children and sex is reserved for us heterosexuals. Tough break, fag. We love you, just don't get so close."

People are taught to treat others like this.

Humans are not born to hate.

Parents should not teach their children to hate themselves.

Churches should not teach their members to hate other humans.

I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

I know where I stand and will continue to stand.

I will not be silent.

Will you?



  1. 1) It will never ever go away completely because there will always be people who enjoy hating.
    2) It will lessen when we have equal rights. Right now they are fighting to keep us from being equal but when the law makes us equal, they will have less to fight about.
    3) Religion isn't necessary to Believe. It is necessary to control. They preach hate to those who apparently can't think for themselves to try to control those who do not conform to what is deemed acceptable and not acceptable - not by God but by the few leaders who say so.
    4) If we let them "get to us" we give them the power to hurt us. We can "fight" for equality and keep our heads high because we know we will win. They are the ones pushing this up to the Supreme Court, who will decide we are entitled to equality.
    5) The law will make us legally equal but it will not stop the bullying. That is the new war.
    6) When the older bigoted generation dies out and the next more tolerant one takes over, being gay will not be a big deal, no more than being dark-skinned is any longer. It wasn’t that long ago they had even less rights than we do. But there will always be bigots – see 1 above.
    7) There was a time when all the world believed in a Sun God, and other Gods. The thought that they might be wrong, well they would have laughed at that. Some time in the future, humans will accept we really don’t know, and never will, and accept anything in that regard is possible. Then we will respect one another’s right to believe in anything, without the need to control. Only then will there be true “religious freedom” which really doesn’t exist anywhere in the world yet. When that happens, then we will all exist in harmony and equality, but not before. More people have died in the name of religion than any other cause of death.

  2. I left my follow-up comment on your Facebook after reading this post. It sunk in what you werefeeling after reading this blog post. Now I get what prompted your Facebook post. Thanks for keeping me sensitive.

    Much love to you, my friend.