Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Feeling good but puzzled

Sitting here listening to some awesome tunes, getting my head wrapped around how time moves and things change. Looks like I will have two jobs now until school starts, which unfortunately will not begin until this next Fall. That was a bit of a disappointment, but I am sure there is some kind of reason for it that I cannot see as of yet.

Having a schedule and places to be now has been pretty good for me. The time I took off was fantastic, but kind of unguided and wild at times. Finding my spot with these two companies looks like it will be pretty easy. My peers are cool and interesting people and management seems to love me already. I couldn't ask for more at the moment. Kind of gives my life a bit more definition. Was kind of funny explaining to people that I didn't do anything for a Drinking coffee, traveling and playing wasn't much of a career choice, though it WAS quite a bit of fun.

Had quite a bit on my mind lately. Been getting over a back injury. Slipped something out of whack in my spine when I was working on my Mustang and was doing really well with therapy, but this morning in the shower, I contorted some how weird while washing my hair and ripped some muscle up near my left shoulder blade. It freakin' hurts! Like someone is stabbing me in the back sometimes. I guess it just reminds me that I am human, but I could do without the pain. I need that to heal up quick since I will be needing my body for work now. Guess that is what happens when you lounge around all summer. I am a big baby when it comes to pain. It is something I am not used to at all. My body pretty much always does its job without any yeah! This sucks.

The holidays are approaching! Whoohoo! I love Thanksgiving and Christmas. This is my favorite time of the year. My eyes turn outward and I start seeing family and friends in a new light. I guess that should be my perspective more, but at this time of the year it gets much easier. Started shopping and planning for Thanksgiving. We will be getting the whole fam together at my little sisters humongous house and also will be grabbing friends that do not have family in the area. Looks like we will have at least 30+ people to feed and hang out with, so I am dang excited! I love cooking and getting groups together to share time, space and love. Plus...the food is always AMAZING!  Then Christmas will be here before I know it. I am going to use the warm weather we have right now to get my lights up and have started imagining how I want to decorate the tree and house this year. I can hardly wait! :) Crap, got to go pee. BRB...

Well, the coffee is working now. I have the day off and will be headed into the city soon. Tonight I have small group at Edward's house where we have been studying about the will of God. It is pretty interesting and certainly something I have wondered about in my life lately. What in the heck am I here for? What would God want from some one like me? How do I fit into community? Who are the people that I am supposed to be ministering to and loving on? I dunno what all this is about, but I am glad to be learning from some guys that certainly are a lot further down the road than I am. I am realizing slowly just how ego-centric and self absorbed I am most of the time. My life has pretty much always been about me and changing that attitude and view point does NOT come easy. In fact, I am pretty sure I cannot change it. I tend to snap out of it when I am in love, dating someone or have someone else to care for and provide for, but when I am single, it always ends up being about me. My days find me searching for things I want, experiences I want to have, places I want to go. How does all that change? I do not know yet, but I know I have more to offer this world than being a well trained consumer of goods and services. All the material possessions and opportunities I have kind of pale when there is no one else to share them with.

God...what the heck am I here for? Who am I supposed to be?


  1. I seriously wish that we lived closer. We could go get a huge amount of coffee, you could vent out all your frustration about God and Gay stuff. I could vent out all my frustration about everything else.

    You could bake all of that pastry stuff that you like, and I would eat it. I would make all of that salsa stuff and you would eat it. We could hang out and go fishing and such.

    We would be like an old married couple, except that if you touched me, I would pepper-spray you.

    (I love you, Damon.)

  2. Joe...bwhahahahah @ the pepper spray. You can always make me smile. We will have to hang out sometime on this earth when space and time permits. Thanks for always cheering me up and listening to my crap, even when it gets old, like a three chord song. You are a faithful audience...