One guys thoughts about his life.
I hope this doesn't mean you are giving up on change dear man, you are worth more than that. To me giving up was not an option and I am sure glad I held onto hope. Tomorrow may be the day freedom comes, hold on. Praying for you.
Stan,I am not looking for any "change" in my orientation or practice. I am gay. This has always been a fact. I am not "confused" or "broken" as fashionable as that may seem among Christian circles these days. That rhetoric and verbage to me is simply a more palatable way of packaging self loathing and hate that the church has always espoused and instilled in its subjects.The journey of my life is the resolving and living out of my sexuality and faith. I live in freedom and liberty, just as the Bible tells me that I do. There is no mistake on who I am. I am just as God created me. Thanks for your prayers!Daemon
Daemon,I love reading your blog and appreciate your posts. I have watched a progression (via your posts) which confuse me. I am not saying you are confused, it just seems like you have made contradictory decisions from time to time. One thing I have not noticed, and I say this as a challenge, not to ridicule you, is to base your decisions on the whole counsel of Gods Word (the Bible) versus the scriptures that make you feel good and right.For example:Colossians 33:1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is your  life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you:  sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 On account of these the wrath of God is coming.  7 In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. 8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. You seemed to be pretty wrapped up in yourself and sometimes that is okay but can lead to your destruction. The Bible (as quoted) directs us to seek God and seek those things above and not to concentrate on earthly matters. Not that you shouldn't worry about daily cares but you seem to pursue the world more than you pursue God. I admit saying that in not really knowing you so I mean no offense. I base that on what you write.I encourage you and challenge you my dear brother to seek first the Kingdom of God. Who knows what God will do in your life or any of our lives. We are not even promised tomorrow. Christ paid a huge price for your salvation and that is something that none of should take lightly.I don't think Stan deserved the type of answer that you gave him. It was obviously defensive as so many of your responses are lately. That is not meant as chastisement. When I get in that mindset I always take a little time to step back and be fair and understand that my defensiveness is because I am being convicted about something I do not want to deal with. If you are truly a brother in Christ, your brothers are not your enemies but are there to sharpen you.Peace in Christ my friend,Scott
Scott,I got your comment just after dinner here today and took the time to read it several times before responding.First of all, I think that your observations and thoughts are correct. This year has certainly been one of restlessness and confusion in my life about different things. This has led me to live for myself more and kind of let my relationship with God drop by the wayside. Second, I do not have all the answers that I am seeking right now, but I have been quick to throw away the ideas and concepts that others seem to keep pushing on me from their points of view. This Christian life is certainly not an easy road and it seems the more that I try to grow the more opposition and conflict seems to come my way.Stan, I am sorry for the terse and rude comment that I made towards you earlier. I ask for your forgiveness and hope that my confusion about my life at the moment did not spill over onto you by my harsh words. None of this is easy.Finally, you have asked me seek after God's will for my life, rather than my own, and to be honest, I have no idea what that looks like. I know that I must be here for a reason, but what that is yet, I do not know. My life is full of all kinds of people with so many different contradictory opinions and beliefs that do not agree in so many fashions. How to find a clear voice, I am not sure yet, but I cannot buy into the whole "ex-gay" concept. No one in my personal life is pushing me to do so and I find all the thoughts and doctrine behind that to be more confusing than my life before Christ.I know I am pretty self focused and distracted by all the things I enjoy and hold dear. I am easily beckoned off any path by the things I want and desire. The hardest thing is I have nothing to concentrate on except myself. Make money, buy stuff, enjoy my life. That has always been my pattern. How to change that, I am not yet sure.Thanks for giving me a gentle heads up and holding a mirror up to myself and my actions. I do not know what all of this will look like, but I will try to be more sensitive to others and try to resolve some of these questions that will not seem to go away.Daemon
Daemon,You are a great brother and your gentle response moved me. None of us has all the answers. That is why God's Word is so important to all of us to help steady our lives. I know where you are at because I have been there. I enjoy your blog very much. I see myself so often in different traits that you exhibit. I also served in the military (US Air Force)and really enjoyed it.Know this. A brother in Christ named Scott cares and is praying. Hang in there buddy. I will keep reading and continue to encourage. Scott