Got home from work this morning around 5 am and got some much needed sleep! I am enjoying my night job quite a bit. It is kind of a no-brainer and I would love it if I didn't have to put up with two things. The first one is lust. I head up a night crew at a local grocery store now (how is that for a career change!) and I work primarily with college guys and high school senior athletes. It is sure easy on the eyes but one thing that stunned me is how much I can objectify guys as sexual objects at times. It is hard for me to keep my eyes off of bodies and relate to other guys in a direct and professional manner at times, especially if they fit "my type". This is something that I could use some prayer on. It has been pretty humbling. It is one thing to confront that with close friends and yet quite another with my peers and employees at work. I need to get past this somehow in my head and see people, not bodies, butts and cocks. The other thing is the culture of homophobia and gay jokes. I swear at times it is like working in a locker room at times with all the talk and insecurity displayed. I am going to have to take a stand about maintaining some professional conduct and also consider my options about being out at work. Would they be so cruel and crass about stuff if they new that the new guy is gay? I also know there are a few other gay/bi guys at work and the pain they feel at times really shows. I am not sure what to do right now, but am thinking on it.
It is soo cool to be awake during the day and not some nocturnal creature of the night! I start my day job today at a local restaurant and I am so friggin' excited to be getting back to waiting tables and cooking in the kitchen! My passion has always been in the food and service industry and with my sights set on Culinary School, this feels like Christmas has come early! I have a few hours before I head out, so am cooking breakfast and going through my morning routines that I have sorely missed the past few weeks. It feels good to be rested and seeing the sun all at the same time!
I am planning on getting my decorations all up this week and at the risk of sounding like a dork, I am really digging listening to Christian music again. I have been exploring some new music and lately nothing in the car and house has been something uplifting. Guess I missed hearing about Jesus in music? I got to remember the simple stuff. I get so distracted at times I guess.
Another weird thought this morning, I have not had sex since September. Not once, not with anyone. I know that might not sound like a huge thing to some of you, but for me that is quite a victory. I am not saying I have always lived as some promiscuous bastard, but I have always either been in a relationship or at least had something on the side. I find my sexual appetite is just as strong as ever, but I am trying something here that friend from church challenged me to do. Just stop chasing after sex and intimacy with guys for the moment. He didn't say that I could not do it, but he strongly hinted that he didn't think it was possible. I am kind of stoked about how it has been going! Is that weird? My life is a bit more simple. I don't feel like I am hunting for something all the time and my emotions are a lot more stable about life. Weird...I would have thought that a couple months without sex and I would be a angry, frustrated idiot, but I guess not? Now, I still haven't done anything about porn and jacking off all the time, but I am taking some baby steps. I just want to see some discipline and self control in my life for once and it looks pretty good I must say.
Welp, time to eat breakfast and get my day started. Want to get my haircut and look sharp for this afternoon. Hope you are all well and that life finds you in a good spot!