Thursday, April 26, 2012
Laying there this morning was an unusual pleasure. I woke up about 2.5 hours before my alarm and just let myself doze. I would wake up again, roll over, adjust my pillows, watch for the sun and then drift back to sleep. I still managed to get up 30 minutes before the alarm went off and took a walk outside enjoying the cool air, the singing birds and padding around barefoot in the grass.
Today will be a day of work and already I can hear my coffee brewing though its scent has yet to reach me here at my desk down the hall. I know it will be a long day but I feel like my brain is working again and I have the strength and energy to jump all over my tasks like a howler monkey hopped up on Pixie Sticks and Mountain Dew. Okay, maybe that is a bit of hyperbole, but I am feeling pretty good right now, considering where my heart and mind have been wandering lately.
I think there is something wrong with my guy hormones cause I can't seem to get off enough, Like seriously, three times this morning already, and it certainly wasn't due to boredom. I feel like with each passing day my sex drive keeps getting amped up more and I am somehow regressing back to my teenage years where I felt compelled to run around humping anything and everything that moved, provided it was a guy, of course. Can they test for that kind of thing? I know that being single has an effect on me that I cannot say I am fond of but I am in no mood to randomly hook up with a buddy just to get my rocks off. Kind of stuck am I. I know that I am craving intimacy and touch. I certainly have been skin hungry lately. Maybe I am just over thinking it all, but perpetual wood is certainly an annoyance at times.
I had a great talk with Bruce yesterday about everything that is going on and he brought his high powered perception and excellent advice to the table once again. There is much that he tells me that he sees in myself and my choices that I do not like but that is probably due to the fact that the truth often hurts and my flippant denials or humorous deflections seem to slide right off him and he has that uncanny ability to bore right into the heart of the matter and ask the questions that I avoid. In short, it was good practice for talking to my doctor this Monday and helped me to leave their home knowing that I am truly loved and cared for by those guys. I am very thankful for them.
So where does that leave me today? Well, I am hungry, so I will cook myself some breakfast. I need to shower and shave and throw my clothes on for another long day in the kitchen. More training with my new guys will be happening and I need to make sure I am on point and hitting on all eight cylinders. I am sure that a long hard shower, scrub and coffee will do the trick. Daniel texted me yesterday and told me he missed me and invited me to hang out, talk some stuff over and get back with the group of friend that I have been absent from. I was kind of surprised actually that he reached out, as we have never been all that close. Maybe he talked to Lucas and figured out some of the reasons I had been avoiding my pack. I need to give him a call later but hearing from him and his words made me smile and feel better. Childish, I know, but it is nice to know that one is missed. I have to wonder sometimes.
So that's where I am at. I am going to try to keep writing each day here, even if I have nothing momentous or of great import or depth to say. I need to keep communicating and this is one medium that has always brought me a measure of relief and peace. Read it if you like or just enjoy the pictures. Either way matters not to me but if you do read things here and something strikes you, please tell me if you care to share. Others perspectives have become more important to me lately and I could certainly use all the help I can get. Have a day!