Tuesday, April 17, 2012

One step at a time

I should have words. I write every day. It is something I do. I communicate with others and still, each day as I visit my space here, nothing seems to strike me. So much has transpired since last I put my thoughts down, but the jumbled and disjointed fragments and ideas in my head will not come. I feel at a literary impasse. Is this what writer's block is?

That will not do.

I shall start with the known. Work is going well and taking up much of my time. Within less than a month at my new company, I have been promoted through the ranks and now lead my culinary team. I would like to think that this is all based on  my hard work and amazing leadership skills, but in all actuality, my success has been based on those with more seniority and ability leaving the company, thus creating space for me at the top. I guess I was in the right place at the right time?

The only detriment that this has caused is my obligation and commitment to this project has greatly increased and I find myself each day drawn to new challenges of schedule and balance. I feel like I live in my kitchen now and never know what to expect each day. In the last week alone, I have made plans no less than five times with Brian, friends, family or church and had them fall through, due to my schedule changing, the hours becoming longer and the irresponsibility and lack of follow through from my young staff. It is so hard to break my word to those I care about, but I am left in a place that I do not know what to do. Dinner plans, cancelled. Camping trip, cancelled. Movies, plays, events, free time...all cancelled.

Believe me, I know how to say "no" but this is not the time and place for it. I pick my battles and understand that this huge shift in the way we do business and care for our customers can only be successful if we invest the time, money and resources into it. I see it as a challenge and know that this is but for a season, but this space and time is so very hard.

In theory, I have the next two days off for myself and to catch up on life. I write that with a wry grin on my face, as I sit here ready to go into work on my day off. I was supposed to have the last two days off and was promised nothing would change that. It changed. So I do not have my hopes up too high. Such is life, I suppose but I am incredibly thankful for a management team that realizes and values the sacrifices I am making and supports me in every way that they can. I just wish they would stop assassinating my dreams of a balanced and normal life. If we can get through these next ninety days unscathed and successful, I will really be able to enjoy the place and position I find myself in.

In short, work is eating my life. I am stressed but treading water. I will be a success in this. This IS what I have chosen and I will accomplish everything I have determined to achieve. I have to keep telling myself this.

As for all the other things in my life? I am struggling mightily with decisions, emotions, faith and every other possible thing you can think of. My needs are met. My bills are paid. I am saving money, am fed and rested and am starting each day with a brave smile on my face and spring in my step. I just need to get through this patch and then I can relax a bit. I so hope I do get two days off. Working seven days a week over and over and over is getting a bit trying. I need some "me" time, then I can make space for "all of you and us" time.

"The pessimist sees the problems in every opportunity. Whereas the optimist sees the opportunity in every problem...
"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense"
 Winston Churchill


1 comment:

  1. Well once again we have the same two days off... if I do not get called in. I have made it known that I have an open availability so that I WILL get called in. When at work I think less about myself / personal issues so feel better. I know that is just using work as a distraction but for right now it works. So I hope we BOTH enjoy our days off. best - Max