Thursday, April 12, 2012

Looking within

I woke up early this morning and still have not left the house. Something seems unfinished or, as of yet, undone. So I am taking a moment to gather my thoughts before I enjoy this day off.

The skies are gray this morning. Low clouds and cool temperatures have lured me back into the sweater stacks from the armoir and I have chosen something in charcoal wool with leather wrapped toggles to ward off the chill I feel on my skin, as well as in my heart.

I have had time to reflect on an emotional crisis I found myself swirling in a few nights past. Unsure am I as to what may have triggered the flood of tears and emotion, but a long nights talk with a friend and two evenings of rest have somewhat settled me back into space where I can attempt to wrest success from the arms of uncertainty, confusion, pain and defeat.

Depression is not something that ever finds me long but I do experience a certain amount of agony over dark spaces and circumstances from my past. Events beyond my control that have been carefully packed away sometimes loom ever near and I am learning that it may possibly be time to examine them with some more objective help than my own musings and ponderings.

Answers, I have few. Questions, I have many. Today I will spend time with music, books, art and strangers. I aim to put some miles on my feet today and hope that in my wanderings a certain solitude and tranquility can be found. I will walk old and new paths. My pen is ready and the pages blank are many. I am somewhat anxious as to what I may find residing in my soul.

Contemplation and self examination are the uniform of the day. I will let you know how it goes with me.

You must not blame me if I do talk to the clouds.  ~Henry David Thoreau

daemon

3 comments:

  1. Ok Daemon, stop being me (grin ;-), you are in my head again stealing my words. Oh can I relate. It is also my day off and I spent the morning walking the city and observing others as if I were invisible. My thoughts in the way as I occasionally stumbled over them. After lunch I plan to wander the museum of art and then browse the book shop - my own Walden. Max

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