I finished up my call (which was an amazing help, thank you) and ran inside to process my day with my best friend and catch up on life. Last time we hung out, we ran all over town, grabbed some food, went ice skating, all the usual random crap. Same guy I spend my free time with, travel the US with, a big part of my life.
He asked me a few questions, to which I responded honestly, as I always do.
I was then informed that until I "kill the spirit of sexual immorality" in my life he could no longer hang out with me, talk to me or have anything to do with me.
What could I say? I just watched him walk away.
WTF just happened? Our lives have been an open book to each other since the day we met. There is little to nothing we have not shared and discussed. I mean nothing. We even talk about all the stuff you aren't supposed to ever talk to another soul about, much less another guy.
Suddenly I am no longer fit to be his brother and friend?
This hurts.
It hurts a lot.
Fuck churches and the way they warp peoples minds and hearts. I realize mentally that this is probably all about him and has nothing to do with me, but still.
What do I do?
Daemon,
ReplyDeleteInteresting that he did not say he is not your brother or your friend. You said that. I don't know him, but I have a feeling that if he has loved you as a brother in good times, he still does. It may be that his love towards you will be expressed more in prayer than presence for a time.
I can tell you are angry at the church, and I understand that, but I hope you won't dismiss people who may be trying their best to conform their minds to Christ. It's not always the case that the church has warped minds and hearts. Sometimes people are expressing that they believe because of their personal walk. Many Christians are still able to come to conclusions on their own through scripture and prayer. I think you may have dashed a bit of hope your friend had for you, as your recent posts have suggested that you have abandoned some beliefs that you earlier had very clearly expressed as your own. That's confusing and sometimes we draw back in confusion, wait and pray.
It sounds like he did not say he hates you. It seems to me that he might realize you are fairly determined -- from what you write -- not to hear what people have to say if it differs from your current conclusions. I have heard you express yourself very strongly, but very differently.
Your life with your friend has been, as you said, "an open book." Lately you've been penning a new chapter and it may take a while for some to sort out their reactions.
Personally, Daemon, I hope you return to the hopeful person who realizes that some of us struggle with something we did not choose, but which we can choose to turn over to a God that's real. He was using your efforts, just as He can use your current struggle.
I know it's hard. You are attracted to men and you enjoy sex. That said, if we are about pleasing ourselves or anyone other than God, we better be very clear that we are doing so at God's direction.
Watching and loving,
Thom
I'm very saddened at this turn of events, Daemon. =(
ReplyDeleteIs this your childhood friend...the fellow you've always been close to? Or someone else?
If there has ever been mutual romance between you, maybe he is finally challenged or scared by that.
Or if not, I guess he *thinks* he is being a good friend by warning you to repent. But honestly, he isn't God and I doubt if he's in a place to make that judgment. Would he also dump King David with his many wives and concubines?
Might he have had pressure from his pastor? Or his wife?
I remember when my best and dearest friend dumped me. We were like brothers. It's true, I was in love with him, and we were quite close, and he did not return those affections. Eventually when he got married, his wife was jealous of our friendship and made him dump me. I think it crushed him as much as it did me. It took me years to recover.
Anyway, your heart must be really hurting right now. I pray that you will be strengthened and consoled by Love beyond telling.
I'm just sorry, Daemon. *hugs*
michael e