Tuesday, March 1, 2011

All the Lovers...

Woke up after a long nap and decided to work a few things out in my head tonight. Started the day off with work, which was good and uneventful except for the regular drama that ensues with working with the public and so many females. Jumped online, chatted with a few friends and caught up on the news. Ended up listening to Gaga for a bit( hold the snide comments please) and ended up at one of my favorite songs and videos, which you see above. I would recommend watching it as it always takes me on an interesting trip down memory lane,  plus it's also nice to see guy on guy relationships affirmed in visual media. And I know some of you will hate the song and video as it seems to glorify extra marital sexual relationships. I think that it expresses a sentiment that I have felt before and hope to feel again.

The fact is, I have had numerous sexual partners in my life. This song speaks about finding a person that is the "one". I think it is talking about love. Now...I hate the word "lover". It just has some creepy connotation to me (like mustaches, too much body hair and sweaty ugliness) but in this context I think it makes sense. While I know two guys can hook up and have a great time with their bodies, I also know and believe that several of the relationships I have had have been rooted deeply in love for another person. So listening to this song and watching the video made me think about all the guys "who have gone before".

What is your list like? Who are these guys or girls whom with you have shared your body and heart with? What did love or sex look like for you? Is it something that glows brightly and brings smiles to your face, or like so many of the "christian" guys I know, is it shrouded in shame and darkness? Why are "christian" people so hung up about sex? It is one topic guaranteed to freak them the hell out when it is brought up, much less talking about guy on guy love and action.

Now, I have a friend at work, he is engaged to be married soon, this month in fact and he and his fiancee are both virgins. He has been doing the pre-marital counseling gig with their pastor, as seems par for the course for young religious people and we have had several candid conversations about sex and relationships. First of all, I admire and respect him for saving himself for marriage. That takes some discipline and self preservation that I cannot imagine. I have never looked down on him for his lack of experience. They are both going into this new place with no reservations or anything to compare it to, aside from personal masturbation and such. That has got to be pretty cool. Being the first and them being your first. Anyway, I digress.

Christians and sex. I have been baffled by their stance in the issue since I was first exposed to it as a child. Now I know the Puritanical background of this country and all the norms and mores associated with the conservative church's but it makes me wonder. Have these people ever had good sex? How about great sex?
 I am talking the kind that turns into a spiritual experience where you cannot even describe to another person what occurred between you and your partner, nor should you try to.

I think these people never got laid growing up, or if they did, it was some furtive, hurried thing that they then carried loads of shame and guilt for, due to the things that others forced on them or they chose to believe in order to be accepted by their peer groups.

So about sex? I like it. Skip that...I LOVE IT! I think it is amazing. I think it is best expressed between two people in a committed and loving relationship. After all, practice makes perfect. But as far as lovers go?

I think more people need to stop freaking out about it and get laid...more often and well.

These $0.02 are mine.

EDIT: I hope this doesn't come off as me advocating promiscuous random sex with strangers. While I have certainly done that in my life (with no regrets but for a few poor choices) I think people need to stop being scared of their own bodies and others bodies. There are all these unspoken and spoken rules in religious communities that seem to shroud sex in some mystery and shame. I do not see sex this way. It is a beautiful expression of sharing and enjoyment that two people can find in time spent alone with each other.

Churches preach so much against it with some dire warnings and sense of doom that it makes me worry about the double standards being practiced and where they come from. They shout about sexually transmitted diseases (which I have never experienced) or unwanted pregnancy (which comes from fool hardy practices and poor education) but never seem to address obesity, or gossip, lying, theft and all the other ills that afflict the same congregation in such a higher percentage.

The fact of the matter is this. Most "christians" are NOT having sex. Those who are newly married may have an active sex life. At least, I hope they do. But by and large, most of those in churches are in monogamous relationships that have long since past being overtly physical and sexual in nature. The young people are scared shitless about making some wrong move and Jesus hating them. I know this from personal experience as I slept my way through a "christian" school and several churches growing up. I am not proud of this, I just know the proportionate number of virgins I met there far outweighed the same age demographic in the real world.

So what is it about sex that has the church all up in arms? And gay marriage? Basically anything outside of the "marriage bed" missionary position for making more of the babies? I have no idea really. Why not start preaching about the fatties? Now those people are committing slow suicide each week, but we give them a free pass. Why do they care so much about what I do with my penis when I am single?

Sorry that I don't have any real answers at the moment. I am just rambling, but I think we need to start having more conversations about the real issues and less pretend talk about the things that don't really effect us in daily life. Would love to hear what you think.



  1. I hope you've had your hpv shot, seriously.

    I laughed out loud at your quip that you slept your way through a Christian school and several churches -- those guys must have been freaking out to actually be in bed with a real guy. I trust you made them all feel very good. :)

    Eh, I think you're right about young people being scared shitless of offending Jesus by being sexual. That was true of me. Looking back, there are about a dozen guys I wish I had fooled around with in my Christian college: all of them charming, cute, clean, and quality guys: and I would have been a much happier human being without the fear and self-loathing I had back then.

    The thing is, Daemon, Christianity -- a living relationship with Christ -- is really not mostly about sex. Jesus talked about love, sharing with the poor, embracing the outcasts and foreigners and lepers, forgiving the enemy, watching and praying, not being smothered by riches and wealth, and having light in one's eyes. Sadly, so many of our churches have made it into a club of sexual shame, and that's fucked up.

    michael e

  2. Good points Michael, I guess I just kind of have had sex on the brain lately, since people keep shoving their ideas and beliefs down my throat.

    I just don't know what to make of it right now, so am trying to process it out loud here.

    Thanks for the input. I do value your insight and observations. I just really suck at being a Christian right now.


  3. It occurs to me that the friend who dumped you probably reads your blog and figures you are a lost cause. What exactly he *wants* you to do is not clear to me. Marry a woman? Bad choice, lol. Marry a man? He won't accept that either I suppose: though I might respect him if he did. Be totally celibate? It doesn't sound like that is your calling.

    I don't know if there is an Episcopal, or United Church of Christ, or ELCA Lutheran church near you, but those are usually more gay-affirming. Check out www.gaychurch.org and look in the directory.

    If you ask me, the Christians you know are being pretty sucky right now too. With all your questions and conflicts, there is no way a friend should be dumping you right now. You need encouragement, I'd say.

    michael e