Decisions

Welp, today is the holiday and I am awake and have greeted the sun. Slowly booting my brain up and listening to some tunes by the amazing Mike Tompkins. This guy can make some music. I wonder if he is a good kisser, too? Prolly :P

Yesterday was a day off and was strange to say the least. I woke up early after I had planned on sleeping in and washed the car. Made my coffee, showered and scrubbed up, threw on some clothes, dropped the top and cruised into the city for coffee. Ran into Jon and Toby at the coffee shop and spent some time meeting and talking to their friends. Kind of gives you a different perspective on your friends when you meet the other people that make up their social spheres. Had a conversation with a little doggie that seemed very distressed each time his master (cute guy) would leave him to get a refill. Read my new National Geographic, well looked at all the pictures at least, was kind of distracted by all the hot guys, and then wandered off for a drive around Mission Hills.

Got to church a bit late, but they were still singing. Ian was leading worship and man, he is talented. When I walked in, I saw that Deth had the mic on his head, so wasn't sure what I was in for. Sat with David and tried to get comfortable, despite the shooting pain in my neck. Didn't work at all. Constant chronic pain is horrible. I have never known what people have dealt with until now.

So Deth gets up to speak and get this, the message was on Quantum Physics, the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle with random quotes from Thor, the movie, and a wee bit of the book of Matthew. What the hell? This is what I sat inside a building for an hour for to listen to? I don't even know what to think about that. Was it interesting? Sure. Did I take anything away with me that I could use this week? Um...no. So yeah, church sucked ass. Or maybe I am just a dick. Could be both, I guess.


Rolled out of there into the sunshine and headed down the road. Got a text from Jeff and Jeff and they wanted me to come on over for a Memorial Day Pub Crawl they were hosting, so what did I do? I went. And guess who was there? James. Yeah. I think we all know how that turned out.  He is still sleeping upstairs in my bed.


I guess there are all kinds of factors I could say influenced my decision, but in the end, I have to own the choices I make. I woke up this morning with mixed up whack emotions. On the one hand, it felt great sharing space again with someone I care about and waking up holding him. He sleeps so peacefully and with that little smile I can't ever seem to say 'no' to. But at the same time, I had thought we (or maybe I) had ended this, well, at least the physical side of our friendship? I texted a friend last night, I sometimes feel that this thing in between my legs tends to run my life. I know that this is prolly just confusing James more, how I state one thing and then do another. I really need to set some boundaries or make some real decisions. Either we are together or we are not. It "takes two to tango" and I think we need to have an honest talk about what is going on here. I want to really listen to him and try to understand his side in all of this. I cannot keep sending mixed signals and messages. That is not fair to him or to myself.

So what is up for today? I have no idea. Looks to be fantastic weather and I hope to get out there and play in the sunshine. Got to start some coffee and make the guy some breakfast. He is always hungry as a horse in the morning. I know I sure worked up an appetite. We tore up some chicken and ribs last night but that was eight hours ago. I need some grub!

I will leave you with this tribute to a fallen soldier. I big shout out to all my shipmates still at sea and an expression of gratitude and thanks for those who gave their all, so that we might be free.

Happy Memorial Day, America.

Never Forget. Semper Fortis!