Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Just talking to myself

Woke up at 3 am this morning, but that was prolly due to going to bed somewhere north of 10 pm last night. I ended up having a short night at work and will still pretty beat and weary from the long days put in this weekend for the holiday and what not. Mother's Day was crazy busy and each group and party that came into my restaurant seemed to be social and emotional vampires desperate for our crew to impress and make their day fantastic. I think we were pretty successful, not only financially, but also in welcoming them to our space and providing the food and fun they were looking for. I met Mom's from age 23 to 96 and each had an amazing smile and sense of pride for the family they had or were raising. So many different stories on such an array of faces and circumstances, each one unique, but the love and strength was the same.

I got to see my Mom really early in the morning. I had picked her up some roses and a corsage to wear and wrote her a hand made card that expressed my love and thanks for her being my mom for each and everyone of the thousands of days she has taken care of me and made my life fantastic. She truly is the best Mom on the world, even though I am sure there are many contenders for that title. :)

Being on my feet and running like crazy for 48 hours has a tendency to wear one out. I spent yesterday morning sleeping in a bit and then ran into the city for lunch and some playing at the park. My friend James and I headed to the park and had a blast flying kites, playing soccer with some amazing strangers who schooled us and tossing a Frisbee around with an eclectic and strange bunch of art school students on the massive lawn of the Nelson-Atkins Art Museum. We both got some great sun and smiles and then headed over to Broadway Cafe to cool down and slurp some Iced Tea. It was a great day.

Kind of rambling this morning, I suppose. I have to head over and drive a friend to work in a few hours. Kind of odd how people start depending on you. I try to help out as much as I can but at times it can become a bit taxing. I cannot imagine what having a family must be like. It is hard enough just keeping up with friends and co-workers much less trying to keep some children alive and love a husband. Someday maybe, but for now, care free seems to suit me well.

The list of ideas that I have to blog about just keeps growing and I never seem to be in the mood to tackle any serious writing. I guess that might be the curse of Springtime? The sap is definitely rising and my eyes and heart seem to be full at the moment. I have been going through some pretty big changes internally and hope to find some "me time" to process them when I head out of town for vacation in two weeks. To say I have a lot on my mind is a bit of an understatement.

I am reconsidering my choice of school for the fall. Nothing like waiting till the last minute...I know? But I am having serious reservations about placing myself in an institution for an education that demands that I compromise so much of myself. I was planning on moving in August to a private university to study for a B.A in Hotel and Restaurant Management as well as a Minor in Culinary. After really thinking hard about the schools religious, political and social stance, I am thinking about pulling the plug on them. I do not agree with them in so many areas and placing myself in that rigid structure will only detract from my studies. They are severely conservative, deeply political and vastly homophobic. I don't think my soul can take another stint of being forced back into the closet and muzzled about what I truly believe and who I am. At least in the Navy I had the space of DADT, small comfort that it was. I haven't told my parents yet, but will be doing so, as soon as I have things lined up to attend a state university. Whatever may happen will be what it is, but I do have a peace about not going to my first choice. I cannot and will not live in deception or silence.

Think I need to mow the yard today and trim all the landscaping. After all the rain we have been getting, it is starting to look a little wild out there. It is that time of year again. Going to do some laundry and all the other things that we do in order to keep our lives going smoothly. I might be able to squeeze some play time in but for the most part, today will be about being responsible. Adulthood kind of sucks at times. They never told me that. Or...maybe they did and I didn't listen. :)


  1. It's killing me waiting for Spring to get here in Eastern Canada; we're currently having a very long stretch of bad weather, unusual even for this time of year. Yeah lots of people don't realize how hard it is on the legs in many service industries; being on your feet all day long makes for aching legs and then you have chores to do when you get home.
    -It is rather unfair when you see a university course you want, but you must pass on it because of the conservative and homophobic atmosphere. And enduring that for years is ultimately psychologically damaging at a time of your life when you are building self-confidence and esteem. I hope you can find a university where you can be yourself; universities are supposed to be places of free thought and expression, and open-mindedness. I would stay away from religious based schools for this reason.
    -Ultimately a young gay person should try and complete their education for the simple reason that a good-paying job gives financial independence and freedom, and a measure of personal power. Other people will not have control over your sexuality. Also a partner and double incomes provides a nice lifestyle. - Wayne :)

  2. I talk to myself all the time. So it's OK if you do too. It's when the other voices get into the conversation that you get into trouble.