Sunday, January 3, 2010
Breathing and my body...
Woke early today to the sound of music blaring at me in a not so gentle way from a machine that I reset last night...volume knob noted. Padded around the house waking up and taking stock of another winters day of snowfall. I enjoy what e.e. cummings said, "Snow doesn't give one white soft damn who it touches."
Coffee procured from the hot to touch carafe, drank a liter of water, choked my protein down with vitamins (British pronunciation, of course) and put my body through its paces. It is changing every day, to the eyes and to the touch. Inside of it, I know it is different in so many ways.
Through out my life, whenever great change comes, my body goes through some type of process that makes me look and feel different than the last chapter. It is hard to explain, but it seems to unconsciously know what I will need to appear as, become and do in this next phase. Whether becoming an athlete in school, transitioning to a scholar in college or building myself into a sailor soldier...it just changes. I realize that the choices I make without thinking speed and hasten this process, but much of it seems to just happen. Diet differs, work outs become different and viola! New and improved Daemon 9.1!
I have all of my old id's and while the hair stays shortish, and I always prefer glasses to contacts, each and every photo looks like a different guy. This has led to much consternation in the friends and people in my life at times, but as a result of knowing this, I keep a diverse wardrobe of various items that accommodate each new look and shape. So many different appearances and presentations, but I am still me inside here.
Now life seems to be bringing me into a long and lean phase. I still retain my broad shoulders, but the torso and legs seem to be slimming down, compared to the heft and solid mass I became accustomed to while using my body greatly at work to move thousands of pounds of raw materials and perform maintenance and operations of the heavy machinery. From manufacturing to chemistry. I feel myself moving back into my head, touching down into wide slender hands and a certain grace is slipping back. Fluid movements, more flexibility, easier running, and lightness of foot. I finally am devoting the time I need on my chest and arms and am happy and proud of the return of those lines and strength that I have not seen since my Navy days.
So what is this all about? As I age, and this body changes, what does this next episode have in store? What about me needs to be healthier, fitter, smaller and to my eye, more attractive? I am working with the public more, sure, and have a vested interest in my appearance, but health and fitness seem to be taking center stage at the moment. Am I doing something here for a reason, or has this become another fixation and turning inward of my person to myself, due to confusion and fear of all that is around me? What will the end of this transformation look like?
Another question to pose is, how is my mind changing? As goes the body, goes the soul...
Well, I must be away and around. Today is another whirlwind I suppose and too much contemplation slows me down. I am aware of the change, and that at least gives me scent of transition. Time to stretch and breath, to pause before the storm.