Sitting here on early Monday afternoon, feet kicked up and listening to some happy music. (Regina Spektor...On the Radio) The weather could not be better! About 70 degrees, sunny and a light breeze. Ahhhh...Good day to be alive. Kind of a lot on my mind, but nothing bad. Yesterday rocked. Hung with friends and had a great night.
Missing being in love at the moment. Being in love. Having another hand to hold. Another guy to curl up with on the couch. A warm lump in the bed to cuddle with. A set of legs to wake up tangled in. A set of eyes that keep looking into mine, wondering how in the world I even exist. Someone to pack a lunch for. To kiss when I head off to work. Cooking together and sharing meals. Being with when out and about. Sharing life. Some one to care for, watch over, protect, listen to and simply share space with. A person to talk with while I shower and he shaves. Extra laundry to fold. Walking our doggie. Being a part of something more we both create.
I miss sex too.
I also miss making love.
I am not heart broken or morose, just simply missing him. There is an extra space in my life I had made for him. Extra time that I used to share. I still find myself rolling over and talking to him some mornings when I am not quite awake and my extra pillows faked me out. Or hearing his music come on the radio and turn to him in the car and realize he's not there.
On Friday, we watched a great film, 500 Days of Summer. It kind of pulled at my heart even more this time since the last time I had watched it was with Michael. I had him cuddled between my legs and laying on my chest on the couch. I held him as he held our doggie. My chin in his head, arms wrapped around and warm. To see this film without him told me a different story. Last time I was part of a pair, this time, I was just a guy in a room with his friends. Kind of weird how different the same stuff can look.
Fall is here. My favorite time of the year. So much to do. Bonfires and hayrides to plan. Barn parties and getting ready for the holidays. Leaves falling, brisk weather, time to pull out favorite sweaters and leather jackets. Yup...it is in the air.
Guess I am just a little wistful today. It is a happy pain. A feels good to hurt kind of thing. I am glad I had him as long as I did. Losing him once again one day will hurt a bit less from not being so close I suppose. Who knows what will be?
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
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