Another morning. It is absolutely beautiful out. I spent some time simply sitting outside on my deck and watching the sun rise through this enormous oak tree that graces my neighbors south lawn. It must be at least 300 years old or more. One afternoon, my brother, father and I joined hands to encircle the trunk and we just barely made it around the entire circumference. It stands tall and proud over the neighborhood and is truly a sight to behold. I wonder what years it has seen? The people, animals, sights, time and history it has stood present to? Each morning, every day of the year, it stands in watch and greets the sun. I sat there and watched the golden light tip the leaves at its crest and slowly work their way down its limbs and leaves to touch my face. There is something to be learned from a life such as this. The seasons come and go and yet it lives, thrives, remains and is. This oaks presence brings me peace. No one owns it. The land it stands on was free and clear of title, long before we came along to live around it. I need to consider it more. I think looking at it and watching it will become a part of my daily pattern. It has something to tell me but its message will not come quickly or loudly.
What of today? I woke well rested and am contemplating how to fill this day. After a few brief weeks of break from my routine, I feel a bit restless. Already my mind is returning to thoughts of schedules, work and industry, but when I pause and think about it, I still have no more clearer direction in what to pursue. A few friends and acquaintances know of my free time and have offered differing positions and opportunities, but nothing seems to call to me yet. Being able to stop life in its tracks is a rare opportunity and like the contemplation I found with the oak tree this morning, I feel I have something still to consider or arrive at, but its reality is still yet unknown.
Usually, when I become introspective or a bit off put by the simple activities of life, I tend to rush into something to fill my time. Come to think of it, I have been rushing into things without much consideration my entire life. I did not weigh my choices much when pursuing education and college. Pondering the ramifications and consequences of joining the Navy was not something I dwelled upon. Looking back over the different jobs and careers I have had seems to have little pattern besides my internal whims and curiosity. Whatever flavor of the month piqued my interest is what I pursued, not only in terms of employment but as well as relationship. This is not an intentional way to live, but then, following my nose has always served me well, to some extent. Not being bound by the obligations, pressures and responsibilities that others frame their lives upon has brought me a measure of freedom that most do not enjoy much less understand.
So what of this day? How to spend it? This seems to be a common and frequent theme in my musings. I think some measured and weighed thinking and consideration is in order. Not the random wanderings that usually fill my time and mind, but some actual hours invested in sketching out where I have come from, who I was, who I would like to be and the interconnection and assets that I currently possess. Perhaps a personal inventory is in order?
This sounds like a capital idea. Not something to rush through in order to distract myself with more entertainment or mindless jaunting about, but a real and measured assessment of my current state of the Union. I can think of nothing more beneficial to do with my time this day. I will make it so.