Thursday, June 28, 2012

Bewildered and Hurt

I am at a loss.

What can I, just one guy, in one city, in this country do to help make a difference for all LGBT people who are experiencing pain, discrimination, abuse, bullying, violence and loss from their communities, families, peers, churchs, leaders, schools, friends and strangers?

I volunteer at my local LGBT center, work with a local LGBT anti-violence project, served a local LGBT youth center as a peer counselor, lent my face and name to state wide commercials to prevent discrimination being written in our states constitution, spoken at city meetings, addressed different religions organizations in my city, spoken up at my church and in my spheres of influence, donated countless hours and finances for different causes, poured parts of my life into local and national efforts, stayed up endless nights in conversations and discussions with people I care about and say that they care for me and still I feel like it is for nothing.

Nothing that I can say or do changes anything in the hearts, minds and on the faces of those that feel that I am less than human. That my citizenship counts for nothing. That my service to my country in the military should not  and did not assure me the same rights, liberties and freedoms that they take for granted and enjoy. That my love is not worthy of acknowledgment.

And it all comes back to their religion. Their church, book, leaders and "god" say I am unnatural, disordered, broken and evil.

I am weary. I am hurt. I am tired. I do not know what else to do right now.

I do not hate them. I am confused by them. I do not know why they fight to deny my humanity so much. Why do they live and work so hard to make others live by their perceptions of faith and morality? Why do they hate me and people like me so much? Why are gay people like me helping them in their abuse of others? Gay guys and girls, who for whatever misguided reason or religious based faith motive, are helping those groups destroy, malign and discriminate against other people who share their same orientation? What kind of sick, self loathing has been forced so deeply into their souls, hearts and minds that they side with their oppressors and call hate, love and abuse, concern?

What have I ever done to them? What have any of us ever done to them?

Why are we not free?

Why are we less than, to them?



  1. I can completely empathize with how you're feeling right now.

    But take heart, the good news is that one person doesn't have to do it all -- and you certainly sound like you're making your share of the effort and then some. Many of us -- myself included -- could take some cues from you.

    As for your questions, I have no answers. I wish I did. Just know you're not alone in wondering them.

  2. Thanks, man. I know I am not alone and I realize that I do not have to do it all on my own, but when does it get better? It IS better now than it has been in the past, but the hate doesn't go away.

    The religious groups never stop with their attempts to legislate me and people I care about out of existence. It never stops. They never let up. What is wrong with them? What can they possibly hope to gain from their actions?

    I and others like me are fighting for our lives and they are fighting to end ours, all in the name of "god". It is too much to think about right now. I have to stop. Good night and thanks for reading this, such that it is. I do appreciate it.


    1. You're welcome. We all have times when we just need someone to listen to us as we vent our frustrations or even fall a part a bit. ;)

  3. But it's not all in vain. Look at how things were, and how they are now. Things are surely changing for the better because of the efforts of people like you who care enough to try to make a different.

    Don't be discouraged. Regardless of what your cause is there will be opposition, so keep on fighting for what's right. What you do matters, you matter, don't let others' ignorance and aggression bring you down. *hugs*

  4. The recent smear campaign against me on Facebook gave me a good dose of just a bit of that which you describe. Know that you have made a difference in my life, and I know that you have touched others, but I hear loud and clear what you are talking about. No easy answers, but keep on doing what you are doing. You have that Rosa Parks and Stonewall spirit that makes a difference in the lives of others. And when you see specific opportuntities to make a difference, keep taking them. And don't listen tot he riff-raff, or at least as little as possible.

  5. Feeling better this morning and able to take on the world again, or at least my piece of it. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, guys. It really does help me settle my mind and focus and for that, I thank you.


  6. Why? It is their way to dominate and control others. That is the original reason religion was created.

  7. I understand and have shared, many times in the past 50 plus years, your feelings. However if I may offer some insights for your consideration perhaps you can find something useful. As a gay, Christian (Roman Catholic) and married, (I was not raised in a time and place where being out was yet an option) man I have come to a growing , stubborn peace that God doesn't make mistakes. We humans (straight and gay) aren't perfect. Ignorance, fear, hate are real hazards of our humanity. We have a real tangle of fears and wounds (gay & straight) that cause us to do things for which we were never created, e.g., hate. But I have found it even more wounding to reject my faith and fall into the reverse rejection and hatred some embrace towards God, people of faith (whether straight or gay). The hate, ignorance & fear espoused by some religious groups in no way represents God or many men and women of true faith. I simply seek to grow on, in my life in God's love that casts out all fear and conquers all hate. If I am wounded in the course those battles I only follow the steps and know the embrace of Him who did the same for us.