Thursday, June 28, 2012
Bewildered and Hurt
What can I, just one guy, in one city, in this country do to help make a difference for all LGBT people who are experiencing pain, discrimination, abuse, bullying, violence and loss from their communities, families, peers, churchs, leaders, schools, friends and strangers?
I volunteer at my local LGBT center, work with a local LGBT anti-violence project, served a local LGBT youth center as a peer counselor, lent my face and name to state wide commercials to prevent discrimination being written in our states constitution, spoken at city meetings, addressed different religions organizations in my city, spoken up at my church and in my spheres of influence, donated countless hours and finances for different causes, poured parts of my life into local and national efforts, stayed up endless nights in conversations and discussions with people I care about and say that they care for me and still I feel like it is for nothing.
Nothing that I can say or do changes anything in the hearts, minds and on the faces of those that feel that I am less than human. That my citizenship counts for nothing. That my service to my country in the military should not and did not assure me the same rights, liberties and freedoms that they take for granted and enjoy. That my love is not worthy of acknowledgment.
And it all comes back to their religion. Their church, book, leaders and "god" say I am unnatural, disordered, broken and evil.
I am weary. I am hurt. I am tired. I do not know what else to do right now.
I do not hate them. I am confused by them. I do not know why they fight to deny my humanity so much. Why do they live and work so hard to make others live by their perceptions of faith and morality? Why do they hate me and people like me so much? Why are gay people like me helping them in their abuse of others? Gay guys and girls, who for whatever misguided reason or religious based faith motive, are helping those groups destroy, malign and discriminate against other people who share their same orientation? What kind of sick, self loathing has been forced so deeply into their souls, hearts and minds that they side with their oppressors and call hate, love and abuse, concern?
What have I ever done to them? What have any of us ever done to them?
Why are we not free?
Why are we less than, to them?