Thursday, December 10, 2009

In the Quiet

This morning was full of music from the instant I awoke. Light flooded the bedroom and warmed the down comforter on me, but the day had to begin! I found myself either roaring or growling when I awoke(not sure which), which while different, is not so odd with me. Vocalization and sounds, odd voices...all normal in Daemonland...but what was I growling/roaring about?

My first real thought of the day was, "What in the world are the doctors doing when they tap on my abs and stomach with their fingers?" I have a sneaking suspicion they are just filling time, one saw another do it and copied him... it serves no purpose and it's just their way of looking like they are busy while talking to me. Some kind of physical rapport thing, like a waiter touching my shoulder, or sitting in my booth while taking my order? Hmmm...random, I know.

After feasting on sounds all morning, I sit here in the quiet sun, reading blogs, checking mail, answering messages and all the creative activities that keep us in contact with one another. I can hear myself breath, the creak of the leather chair and my knees and ankles pop when I stretch hard. Why do I always strive to fill the silence at times? Even in the woods, on top of a mountain or in the middle of water...there is sound. But do I listen?

I have an inner monologue that is always running, sometimes on several different tracks at the same time, about so many varied things, but sometimes it feels good to just stop. It gets odd when my mouth starts answering the wrong track of thoughts to people who are on another rail line.

To be intentional in my thinking...

All of my blog posts to date have been reactionary, something put up here while in the moment, speaking off the top of my head. I have seen others carefully write and examine issues in their lives or current events. I tend to do neither. What does that say of me...of them?

I guess this is my way of sharing my mind speak, that internal monologue, with other people, but it rarely hints of what I truly believe. It has been a safe place to doubt and kick around ideas. I know that it is rarely interesting, but I hesitate to share what I feel deeply about things.

The real Daemon still is kind of bottled up and cut off. That inner me that I keep for myself.

So here in the quiet, while the fire pops and heating sighs with warmth, I think about it.

I will come back later with something worth saying.

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