Saturday, September 12, 2009


Got done with my class this morning and went to the store. Picked up a few things I needed and am contemplating going to the Westport Art Show. Maybe will call Stephen later and see if he wants to go as well.

Missed the 10th Anniversary thing at the church today. Really wanted to be there to help out and spend time with some people, but too many schedule conflicts. Also missed my car club meeting and road trip as well, but that's the price for making foolish decisions. This lesson I am learning sure does suck, but maybe it will stick this time. My skull seems to be pretty thick. Thinking about it today, I realized that I have totaled 5 different amazing cars since I turned 16. Grrrrrr...

I wrote about six pages in the last two days while at class, and much of it seemed to revolve around Blake. To be so strongly attracted to someone radically different than me? I seemed to keep returning to him while musing and journaling, and spent too much time looking at him. At least it didn't hurt my test scores. I am not sure what drew me to him so powerfully. Sure, I understand the physical attraction there, he's a great looking guy. Slender and muscled, golden tan, dark curly close cropped hair and chiseled features. Wow, I can still see him in my head. Strong but graceful hands and beautiful sculpted legs...hmmm And he was shorter than me as well. Yep, definitely my type.

There was some other quality that acted as a beacon, a magnet, for my attention. I wanted to really know who he was. What he thought? What was behind those dark and curious eyes? Usually some morning scruff and intricate tattoos aren't my thing, but he had a presence and charisma around him of strength, intelligence and masculinity. Something in him, called to something deep in me.

The thing that stayed with me, was a moment in class when we locked eyes. I was simply looking up when he stretched when it happened. He simply placed his arms back on the table and looked directly at me. He had a very honest and naked look in his eyes, and simply looked at me looking at him. The communication there took me off guard and was intense. What happened just then? We were both comfortable just looking, staring really. Most of the time, when eye contact is made between strangers, one or both quickly avert their eyes to relieve some kind of pressure. We did not. We both just looked till we were done. What did that mean?

I keep wondering if there was something in him, that I feel I am lacking, or something similar to us both that I was detecting? Was I drawn to him from a void in my life, or moving towards him due to an undetectable shared trait? That attraction was not just physical, like it normally can be, something that eventually passes, or is of no surprise to me. This is something that I will be thinking on for some time, as I have not had that feeling for many guys in my life. That something more... the unknown. What happened there?

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