Monday, November 23, 2009

A Heavy Burden...

Tonight, after some time spent with old friends, my heart is heavy and broken for the lost and dying that I personally know. These dear beautiful people, so broken and living daily in a searching despair for something real.

For peace, for love, for a hope that something greater and more powerful will come. Always seeking and never finding. True happiness and peace like a whil'o'whisp, leading them on their way. Just out of reach, their dreams in midair seem to fade away, moving day to day, further away.

I was them once. Trying to find happiness and completeness in another guy, another relationship, a family created out of those shunned and mis-understood by so many. A collection of misfits who at times were our own worst enemies. Oh, we dress it up nice, never were we at a loss for beauty and form...but somewhere deep inside, we were all hurt little boys, playing at being men and striving to find that acceptance that we so desperately craved. Validation and assurance that it was going to be okay, that someone loved us, that we mattered to someone, to anyone.

How do I reach out to them? How to share the amazing truth, the gospel that was so freely shared and given me? That there is hope and peace and love...all freely extended by a Father who loves them more than anyone ever has and ever will. I still remember Melissa reaching out to me, a man who seemed to have it all, and asking me if I was truly happy. How she shared the truth that she had, and how God softened my heart and brought me to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I want to just be that beggar, telling another beggar where to find some bread.

I cried so hard tonight after listening to Brett share what has been going on in his life. He cares so much for others and is such a graceful man, so full of light and love...but still so lost, believing in nothing, with no hope. He carries a death sentence in his body, and each year he slips away from us a little more. His once proud body is wasting away and he is becoming a hollow eyed shadow of the guy he once was. I love him and want to see him know God. To finally grasp that relationship that his soul cries for each night, so quietly in pain.

Caleb asked God for a mountain. "I want that mountain." Tonight I am asking for my friends souls. "God, I want them to know you. I want to share your truth and gospel with them. I love them all dearly and claim them for you. If I can be a part, a witness, a testimony of some type to them of your amazing love and grace, please let me. Get me out of the way, move me aside, give me words to say, things to do and an open door to share. I can talk to them and move in circles that others from church will never be able to enter. I will go where you want me to go, I will say what you want me to say, I will do what you want me to do. Here am I Lord...send me."

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